-got bullied-

my patient bullied me and gave me a bruise the size of a 20-cent coin!!



may not be very obvious from the pic but it sure hurt!!
-gah!-

ND

i'm at work. on ND.

nothing to do.

God, i'm BORED!!

quick updates

went on super shopping sprees.. spent about $500.. lolz.. bought lotsa stuff.. happy~~

went drinking with my friends last night.. no hangover but woke up looking like a cooked lobster.. and i was stratching like the offspring of a monkey!! but i enjoyed it la..

anyway, PRPC been real bad.. think i'm gonna flunk out..

and St. John is just shit as usual.. o well..

nothing to say..

i went on a shopping spree today. whee~

*friends only*

schedule out till 6/1/08.

call me and book appt.

PRCP

i think, i'm gonna fail.

i think, i'm not cut out to be a nurse.

i think, i should just go die.

思潮起伏

我又开始想太多了。

好久都没看电视了。。

但自上周起在孟追韩剧。。

所以，又开始质疑我对他是否只是一种习惯。习惯想着他，习惯喜欢着他。

看着他的照片，嘴角都会不自觉地微笑。想他时的样子，都像个大傻瓜。

明知怎么都不可能会有个什么，心里却一直在奢望不可能。

想念的季节步步逼近，想见他的欲望也越来越难忍。

想打电话给他，又害怕无话可说。怕他不接电话，怕他正在忙。

想传简讯，却又因为知道他从不回简讯而无动于衷。

然后又一直有一种实习会不及格的感觉。每天上班都在害怕会害死人。害怕会做错事。害怕没能应付。

这一次真的不一样了。不能再玩了。最后一次，能不能毕业就看它了。也因此倍感压力。

该怎么办呢？

想得多了，晚上都失眠。白天又一直想睡觉。

本想约朋友去玩，但想到的人一个个爽约。

现在，也大概只有这里能让我将心里话说出来了。习惯把心事隐瞒，但这次真的忍得太痛苦了。

想好好地哭一场，将内心压抑着的情绪一次过发泄出来。但怎么都流不出泪。



不说了，反正只是越说越难过。

my friends

i'm losing all my friends, one by one.

all the people whom i used to see really often and were really close to.

erene, farah, hsiao ling, lizi, cheryl, yeow chin.. even people like alex, mingyang, zili..

cos i'm perpetually more preoccupied with something else.

cos i'm always too busy.

cos i didn't put in the effort.

i don't make friends easily. close friends are rare and far between for me. yet i can't even keep the few i have.

and in the days to come, i'll only lose even more. cos of my schedule, cos of the nature of my work. cos when i'm free, i'm more interested on catching up on sleep and trying to complete my case study or what not.

but it's probably all for the best. i'm such a lousy person to be with. i'm better off alone. this self-imposed isolation is just best for everyone.

but i just want you guys to know that you have a place in my heart. and i'll always count you among my best friends.

just, don't forget that i was ever once in your life.

my Zen

i love.

just updating

hmmz.. been about 2 weeks since i last blogged.. well A&E posting is over and i really enjoyed it alot.. met lotsa nice people.. shuxian, jessica, pauline, shimin and that funny sean.. not forgetting CI joyce.. and yes, i did get a chance to psycho her about letting me in for A&E PRCP.. HAHA!!

first week of geron over.. MRSA ward.. so we're REALLY particular about infection control.. i've got a bit of paranoia.. i wash all my stuff in dettol and bathe with dettol soap.. lol.. anyway, settling in quite well.. got rather interesting and 'interesting' cases.. love the CI siew mee..

I SAW MAGGOT THERAPY IN ACTION!!

it's really cool!! haha. ask me about it when you see me..

homework piling up but still manageable i guess..





but my problem with retaining food is back. :(

A&E day 1

i don't like.

i LOVE!!

=)

random tests again

results are mixed.. some amazingly real but some are just so off..
but the real whacker is this:

Who is your dream guy?
Here is the analysis:According to your answers; if you are not kidding, you are too complicated. Sorry, we are unable to offer the analysis. Press Back button on you browser, check ONE question that you were not completely sure and try again with a different answer that you think it would be correct.





Hot or Not? (for girls)
[Part 1] Self Confidence: 70% -> You're confident.
[Part 2] Sensory Perceptions: 51% -> Somewhat sensitive to stimulation around you.
[Part 3] Body Language: 70% -> Quite good at utilizing on occasions.
[Part 4] Conversational Skills: 73% -> You can fit in with society.
[Part 5] Empathy For Others: 77% -> Occasionally empathizes with others.
You are a typical girl, like the majority.





How do you react to compliments?
Here is the analysis:
If you try to change the subject when you are being complimented or you simply ignore it, this means that you don't like to pretend and you cherish authenticity. You feel that saying nice things to someone is merely an attempt to please the listener. You don't believe there is truth in compliments, and think that the complimenter must want something in return. You have good self-esteem and aren't afraid of criticizing, or being criticized.





How well do you get along with others?
Here is the analysis:
You can make friends with anyone and are always interested in what people have to say, but you can also spend time alone quite happily and without getting bored. You don't overreact to things around you, and people consider you to be a bit of a cool cucumber.





Your Favorite Ice Cream Flavor
Strawberry
You are affectionate, giving and loving. You are very understanding of others which makes you a person others want to be with.





The Pattern of Your Tableware
White
Simplicity is your signature style. You like to stick to your daily routine and don't mind at all that there's not much excitement in your life. You are sensible and well in control of your emotions.





Your Favorite Zoo Animal
Giraffe
You are decisive and never give up. You have a plan for anything that you do and you will follow the plan until your goals are realized.





The Thing You Forgot
Here is the analysis:
You care for people. Other people's small matters easily shock you. You look brave, but in fact you are hiding weaknesses inside. You often talk about your faults or things that you think you could have done better again and again, though no one criticizes you about them.





Your Working Style
You use you thinking to look for the principles underlying the sensory information that comes into awareness. As a result, you are logical, analytical, and objectively critical. You are not likely to be convinced by anything but reasoning based on solid facts.
While you like to organize facts and data, you prefer not to organize situations or people unless you must for the sake of your work. You can be intensely but quietly curious. Socially you may be rather shy except with your best friends. You sometimes become so absorbed with one of your interests that you can ignore of lose track of external circumstances.
You are somewhat quiet and reserved, although you can be quite talkative on a subject where you can apply your great storehouse of information. In everyday activities you are adaptable, except when one of your ruling principles is violated, at which point you stop adapting. You are good with your hands, and like sports and the outdoors, or anything that provides a wealth of information for your senses.
If you have developed your powers of observing the world around you, you will have a firm grasp on the realities of any situation, and show a great capacity for the important and unique facts of a situation. You are interested in how and why things work and are likely to be good at applied science, mechanics, or engineering. If you do not have technical or mechanical interests, you often use your talents to bring order out of unorganized facts. This ability can find expression in law, economics, marketing, sales, securities, or statistics.
You may rely so much on the logical approach of thinking that you overlook what other people care about and what you yourself care about. You may decide that something is not important, just because it isn't logical to care about it. If you always let your thinking suppress your feeling values, your feeling may build up pressure and find expression in inappropriate ways. Although good at analyzing what is wrong, you sometimes find it hard to express appreciation. But if you try, you will find it helpful on the job as well as in personal relationships.
You are in some danger of putting off decisions or of failing to follow through. One of your outstanding traits is economy of effort. This trait is an asset if you judge accurately how much effort is needed; then you do what the situation requires without fuss or lost motion. If you cannot judge accurately, or if you just don't bother, then nothing of importance gets done.





How do you eat fried eggs?
Here is the analysis:
You are logical, smart and inventive. It's okay for you to make people think that you are a little self-centered. You just focus on what you're doing.





When will you get married?
Here is the analysis:
You want to get married as soon as possible. You may get married at the age of 20 or right after you have finished your education.
(I wish.)





The Third Eye
Here is the analysis:
You are scared of being cheated on by others and don't want to be disappointed. That's why you seem to be contented with unrequited love.





Why do you love someone?
Here is the reason:
You think he or she is a very smart one. You love his/her brain.





The secret of the fourth coin
Here is the analysis:
It would be very difficult for you to fall in love with someone. But when you love, honesty is your first priority. You are an emotional person.





How do you choose your soulmate?
The decisions you have made indicates your criteria in choosing your soulmate.More important matters come first on the list below:
1. Education
2. Money
3. Love
4. Appearance

A&E

going A&E tomorrow.

FINALLY!!

haha.

oooh.. the anticipation!

OT day 5

last day at OT..

really had lotsa fun.. gonna miss that place..

but i'm going ED next week!!

*happy*

*smiles*

really hope i can go either ED or OT for PRCP..




*prays HARD*

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/

random tests.. lolz.. some are really quite true sia.. but some are just.. -_-"
all the different tests i did are in different colors.. enjoy!!


Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you meet that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.





The Real You

Here is the analysis:
1. You are a very serious person. You tend to be quiet and well behaved, and you don't have a great deal of self-confidence. You prefer to be alone rather than with friends and that could make you a little less interesting to certain types of guys. You are very attractive in an individual kind of way, and this means it can take people a little while to get to like you.

2. You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.

3. You strictly follow rules, and you expect other people to be the same as well. People can get tired of you easily, as you can make them feel a little guilty about themselves. You always make decisions on your own, and can be dismissive of other people's advice. You like to be the leader in groups, but can forget to be concerned about the people you are with.

4 . Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?

5. Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.




What's your personality love style?

Here is the analysis:
You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.







What type of personality do you have?

Here is the analysis:
Bright and Cheerful
You are always cheerful and charming. You never get too serious with people when they're around, but when you are alone, you think carefully about what they have said. That's because you don't want anyone to see you being too somber. Your personality means you have a lot of friends and you are often the center of attention. Many people who fall into this category become artists and movie stars, perhaps fame could be yours in the future as well.




Are You Nosy?

Nosy Level: 60%
You may seem to be a nosy person to some people, but actually you are quite a serious person who's not at all interested in gossip. You just like to know what's going on around you. It's a natural interest and you can get offended when people tell you they think you're a sticky-beak.



The Clothes You Wear

What others see from your style
You tend to not be very imaginative. You lack self-confidence and are not very particular about what you choose in your life. You give in to others and prefer stability to change.

What your nightclothes reveal
You are friendly and always in good mood. You are candid and helpful, and can be sexy at times too.

What others see from your ties
You enjoy being alone. You like to live the simple but good life, and you cherish your freedom. You are thoughtful, confident and uninterested in glamour.

What others see from your belts
If there's not a single belt in your wardrobe, you like freedom and are opposed to all kinds of rules. You are creative and very good at work that requires you to stretch your imagination. Your main downfall, however, is that you can be very moody.

What others see from your shoes
You like to be the center of attention. You like to look good at all times and probably never leave the house without makeup on. Although you may be intelligent, you're also insecure about your looks. You care about others, and will always listen to what they have to say.

What others see from your earrings
You are a sweet and talkative person. You are sociable, energetic and interesting, and get easily bored by the same old things. You are always looking for adventure.

The last analysis
You are probably a clever and adventurous person. You love to learn new things, and enjoy socializing with friends. Although you enjoy your freedom, you cherish peacefulness and like to spend time alone with your thoughts.

OT day 2

-i like!!-

haha.. quite a fun place..

but keep char siew AWAY from me..

darn. all the lipomas look like char siew..

freaking cold place!! and my scrub suit is waaay toooo biiiiggg!!

never got a chance to scrub but circulated for 2 days..

going TSSU tomorrow.. sian..

then thurs going PACU..

then fri going reception..

i'm not making sense.. so going Zz land.. ciao!!

:/

one of my bestest friends is stuck in a personal crisis yet i don't even know about it.

what kind of friend am i?

today

as the people whom i held dear left without even a word, it only added on to my sense of isolation.

yet, isn't this what i want and need? to be alone with my thoughts, to cope with things my own way, to learn to stand up on my own two feet.

i don't know. i simply don't know anything anymore.

i'm such a failure.





[my already plummeting sense of self-worth just shot to the other side of earth.]

GET LOST AND STOP IRRITATING ME!!

I'm NOT emo-ing! I'm going through alot of stress myself. You guys aren't the only ones who're stressed etc.

My grandfather has stage 4 CA gastric with distant metastases. He's DYING. He's only got approximately 6 months or less left!

He's my only grandfather. He's the one who brought me up.I'm still trying to come to terms with his sickness and all that's happening. I'm worried, I'm upset, I'm grieving.

If my being unable to face you guys or am always moody and prone to tears when you do see me constitutes as being "hormonal', 'emo" and "mood-swing", then FINE. So be it.

My mom keeps losing her temper at me, my corps need me, my friends don't understand me. God, just take me away.

God, if you so will, may I offer myself to take the sufferings of my grandfather? May I take his pain and suffering for him? May I be the one with CA instead?





And to the one who was there seeing me keep eating ice-cream and giving you lots of probs etc, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take it out on you. Thanks so much for keeping me company those days. 'cos you're like the only one who's left beside me, your support and presence gives me the courage I need to go to the hospital to see him everytime I spend time with you. <3
I've nothing left, please don't ignore me.

bit of randomness

I AM
68%
OPTIMUS PRIMETake the Transformers Quiz

Optimus Prime

Optimus Prime is the heroic leader of the Autobots. He is the personification of courage, strength, and integrity. His personal motto is that “Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.”

Like Optimus Prime, you are good by nature. But beware because mischievous thoughts sometimes tempt you. You are inspiring, confident, and a natural leader. The Autobots have chosen well. In addition, you use technology when you need to, but you do not embrace the latest trends.

:'(

想哭却哭不出的感觉真得很糟。

Job Ad

Position: Guardian Angel of -me-

Requirements:

• love me
• be there for me

Benefits: negotiable

Interested parties can apply via SMS/MSN/e-mail.

If you don't already have these contact details of mine, I'm not interested in you.

God, I just hate myself so much..!!

God, just take me away.

I don't understand my purpose here.

I can't do ANYTHING.

I'm good at absolutely NOTHING.

NOTHING I do is ever correct.

God, I'm so talentless, useless and worthless. What can I do?

Why am I the way I am?

Why did you make me so?

Lord, I can't take it anymore. Just take me away, please.

:(

alot of things happening recently..

yea.. to update those who knows what's happening, it's confirmed.. my granddad has stomach cancer.. it's stage III-IV, kiv pinhole examination on monday.. i mean, i kind of expected it when his Hb was only 5 with NO sign of bleeding anywhere.. but, stomach cancer is abit off.. i'd expected liver cancer more since he already has liver cirrhosis and fatty liver..

exams start next week but i'm totally NOT prepared.. haven't even touched any of my books at all..

after NDP on wed, both TICs wanted to speak to us.. alot of issues with training.. but i'm really in no mood right now.. i don't even want to stay on already!! and that M sir is not approving my request to withdraw from ZPD committee.. *pissed* none of you likes me or wants me to stay, so why're you torturing both you and i by not allowing me to quit?!

*can't take it*

still coughing but much better already.. thank God. Amen. :)

school this week has been real traumatic.. it's the last week already.. everybody's taking lots of pictures with everyone.. today's the last day.. can't believe how fast time has flown by.. i can still remember orientation.. when we were all so shy.. till today.. we're all 'grown' and leaving already..

and my successor decided that he needs more time. time is what you need. yet time is what i cannot afford to give you.

very tired.





[call me and talk to me, please]

*confession*

i'm missing him like mad.

说不出口的话

有些话，对着你我说不出口。

对你的期望，带给你很多压力。我很抱歉。

你是我一手教出来的，所以，对你的信赖与厚望更会远远超过其他的人。很多时候，我只愿意将工作分配给你，因为身边就只有你完全了解我的要求。

不需我多说，却依然能猜出我在想什么的人，在那里，大概也是只有你。

它，代表的是我的责任。
它，代表的是我的热忱。
它，代表的是我对你的期望。

但如果它只能代表一件事，那它，代表的一定是我曾经对你许下的承诺。

好好想清楚。我等你的答复。

不论结果如何，我永远都会在你身后为你加油，打气。

just -_-"

finally went to the GP to find out the reason behind my weeks worth of cough, blocked nose etc..

the reason is really just -_-"

Dr. said my s/s sounds like mycoplasma infection.

gave me 2 days MC. diagnosis : chest infection.

hmmz.. hang on. chest infection is pneumonia isn't it?

so i actually got pneumonia?! that's so random!!

did some reading on it.





Primary Atypical Pneumonia

Pneumonia caused by Mycoplasma pneumoniae is generally classified as primary atypical pneumonia, because it's presentation and course significantly differ from other bacterial pneumonias. Mycoplasma infection often causes pharyngitis or bronchitis. When pneumonia develops, patchy inflammatory changes in the alveolar sputum and interstitial tissue of the lung occur. Alveolar exudate and consolidation of lung tissue are not features of atypical pneumonia.

Young adults - college students and military recruits in particular - are the primary affected population. Primary atypical pneumonia is highly infectious. Its manifestations resemble those of viral pneumonia; systemic manifestations of fever, headache, myalgias, and arthralgias often predominate. The cough associated with atypical pneumonia is dry, hacking, and nonproductive. Because of the typically mild nature and predominant systemic manifestations, mycoplasmal and viral pneumonia are often referred to as " walking pneumonias".

LeMone, P. & Burke, K.M. (2004). Medical-surgical nursing: Critical thinking in client care. (3rd ed.). New Jersey: Prentice Hall




so for all the people whom i accidentally infected.. i'm soo sorry!!

of all the random things that can happen to me.

just -_-"

announcement

i hereby announce that all my ICAs, projects and presentations are finally O-V-E-R OVER!! woohoo!! yea!!

*dance around like mad*

it's been such a long journey till today.. and the last project of my course has been handed in..

through the years, i've long lost count of the number of projects and presentations i've done..

week after week of mad rush to finish the projects and presenatations.. weeks of worry and preparation. all over now.

last lap: year 3 finals.

clear it and i'll truly step into the last stage of my nursing course: PRCP.





Lord, stay by me, for this is when I need You the most. Amen

..rumblings..

sometimes, i just find SJ so pointless..!! it's like, the corps has been going downhill for years and nothing i do seems to make even a little bit of difference!! from the glory days of old till the state it's in today, i've been through it all and i feel really disheartened by what i'm seeing..

the standard nowadays is so low that i really can't recognise the SJ i grew up in anymore..

• NCOs are ill-disciplined.
• sec 1s still can't even manage 'sedia', 'senang diri' and 'ke-kanan lurus' properly.
• sec 2s are not performing.
• cadets who choose days with SJ training to fast and then use it as an excuse to fall out.
• sec 3s who can't even march properly.
• PT lasts about 15 mins.
• sec 2s took a whooping 27.30 mins to change from full-u to PT kit.
• sec 2s who think that PT kit means wear SJ t-shirt.
• sec 3s who still fidget in parade.
• sec 1s who don't even know how to reply loudly and clearly.
• NDP contingent which don't know 'belok'.

and MANY more...

demoted a sec 2 cadet to the sec 1 squad today. didn't make me feel good and really didn't want to do it but her standard is just so atrocious that she simply needs to re-learn everything from the basics.

in fact, alot of sec 2s are really still at the sec 1 level and the sec 1s are performing like fresh recruits!

i don't know.. all that's happening is just so discouraging.. and it doesn't help things by being so time-consuming..

i can't figure out what i can/should do to make the situation improve even by a little bit.. it's worse than teaching an infant how to walk.. the corps has regressed from a toddler who is running about to an infant capable of only crawling..

is it because of me that things are the way it is? did i not do enough? are my training methods wrong?

~happy~

happy for 2 reasons..

1) met lawrence yesterday.. haven't seen him for about a year already!! missed him so much.. he's in army now and managed to catch up with him.. hees.. so happy..

2) NDP training today. there was TREMENDOUS improvement in the standard and coordination of the contingent. HAPPY!!

hahaz..

busy busy bumblebee..

haha.. yea.. been really busy recently..

got 2 ICAs this week.. 1 yesterday and 1 tomorrow..

tomorrow also got lesson with the scouts.. been dragging and postponing it for a looong time already.. so glad it's finally going to be done.

thursday got extra NDP contingent training.. my CK is going.. so i'll only go if i'm free and if LBM ends class ON TIME.

friday got training, as usual..

finished reading HPDH in about 6 hours.. not bad.. should have been studying but the lure of that book sitting in my table is just tooo great..

just passed my 2nd skill.. got ETT suctioning and J Lee.. so happy..!! i may not fail the module after all..!! wahaha..

bugged KLKX just now over random 1st aid questions.. wahaha..!! thanks ya?

got my attachment postings le.. i got 6 weeks break, followed by 17weeks of attachment. (1st week OT, 2nd week ED, 3rd-5th weeks gerontology followed by 12 weeks PRCP.) all at TTSH.. phew..!

so what am i gonna do during my 6 weeks break?

1) SLEEP!!

2) re-write the home nursing syllabus.

3) finish my driving lessons and get my license.

4) study, Study and STUDY for PRCP..

that's all i thought of at the moment.. will continue to update the list..

thinking about starting a new blog chronicling my adventures through my 17 weeks posting.. but o well.. guess that can wait.. lolz..

Sec 3s;
read the replies from you guys. i am so surprised (maybe shocked) by the results that it feels kinda surreal and.. erm.. not so true..? like it doesn't really come from the bottom of your hearts..?
anyway, i'll take what you said into consideration before making my decision. right now, just concentrate on NDP, ROD and your exams.. leave the rest to us to worry about.

back..!!

yay!! i finally got rid of that lousy old 6280 of mine and got got N73 Music Edition instead..!! yea!!







lousy old phone








brand new N73 ME



I AM SO HAPPY..!! WHEE..!! WAHAHA..!!







but i failed my 1st skill.. everybody who got airway managemnt with J Leong failed.. sobz.. and i didn't know alot of stuff in my theory paper today.. so, i guess.. i've a VERY HIGH likelihood of failing the module.. shit.


and i didn't make it for LSCN.. *really really disappointed*


can't finish all my projects.


*stressed*









[i love my nescafe]

K.I.D. parents' workshop

so we had a workshop for the kids' parents.. and we volunteers were there to take care (babysit) the kids while janice/evelyn conducted the workshop..

brought maureen along.. so glad she enjoyed herself..

rushed down for BHN exam after that and met some really cute WSS cadets..

anyway, point here is.. the PICS..!!







Settling down to colour the pictures they selected..










All the completed works.. mine is the one at the bottom-left corner..










Shawn pointing to his masterpiece (top-left corner)










Yi Wei pointing to his masterpiece (top row, 3rd from left)










Gilbert and his masterpiece (3rd column, 2nd piece)











the kids enjoyed themselves soo much..!! and i'm amazed that eveyone could settle down to colour quietly.. (they were all boys..) the kids did really well too..!!



The Winners..!!










Gilbert










Shawn











Gary












My FAVE pic!! (From left to right: Shawn, me, Gilbert, Yi Wei, Gary.)











From left to right: Shawn, Gilbert, me, Gary.

life in motion

gosh..!! it's already week 13!! T-H-I-R-T-E-E-N!! that makes my finals a month away!! and next week got BOTH practical and theory exams. i am so dead.

finally started doing clemaus' and CA breast projects.. both due week 15. then community health also haven't do yet.. *sigh*

CARMEN! CA breast: jiao gei ni le!
MAUREEN! community health: jiao gei ni le!
i will take care of clemaus.
let's work together and chiong finish our final projects..!!

seriously, been working with you guys for more than 2 years already. must really say a big THANK YOU to the 5 of you for putting up with me so much.. i get irritated very easily and like to change alot of the things which you guys have done.. i like to think that i'm all that but most of the time i just delegate you guys to do everything.. fortunately, end of day, we manage to pull through everytime.. it's the last few already.. so let's just work together these last few weeks to finish up everything yea?

ROD coming real fast.. seriously thinking about ROD-ing out with J they all.. so sec 3s, let me know if you want me to stay or go.. drop a note into my letterbox.. i'll collect them next week..

if i do ROD out, formal resignation from organization will definitely follow.. that's for sure.. but even if i don't ROD out, i'll still want to think about resigning from organization.. i'm just soo NOT recognised and appreciated that i don't know why i even bother anymore..!!

don't know.. just so sick now.. got slight fever, sore throat, headache and a super sexy voice.. sianz..

*feeling better*

went out with SK just now and watched Transformers.. wasn't such a great movie but it really helped to take my mind off things for a couple of hours.. SK, you probably didn't realise it but thanks for making me feel better after all the trauma i've been through these 2 days..

zone exco was crap as usual.. but at least we've finally gotten back all the missing BFA certs.
E, i'm just soo mad at you. i may not have done much but at least i've given of my time. yet you just overlook me in everything. ZSM. fine. crap.

i think, it's really time for me to start considering giving up on SJ totally.. despite having thought about it in the past, i've never really put it in action. as my finals draw nearer and my PRCP approaches, i guess, now is the best time to put it down and carry on with my life.

you know, Mrs T is the only person in the whole organization who cares about me and is concered about my coming exams. this organization is soo bloody big yet i can only find 1 person who even thought about it. O-N-E PERSON. God, what a laugh.

no one else gave a damn even when i told them about it specifically. only Mrs T remembered to ask about it.

God, what a damn bloody laugh.

NCC day parade

went for NCC day parade today.. got the shock of my life. by the ambulance driver.

so i met them just past 0800hrs in HQ.. then took ambulance go Amoy Quee camp.. then there was this Zone 9 adult corps guy, Chester, with us also..

reached there and started to set up.. then the ambulance driver wanted to test my knowledge.. so he asked me what would my management be for an epileptic case.. well, epilepsy.. can't do anything also what.. just clear the area, ensure safety, and turn casualty lateral so any vomitus and saliva can flow out and not choke the casualty..

guess what the ambulance driver said?

"you stupid ar? manage like that, your casualty die already!"

huh? i manage wrongly? how can it be? better go home study manual. that was what i thought. until he explained himself.

"when you got epilepsy case, squeeze his shoulders to inflict pain. when he's in pain, he will open his mouth to shout out. then stuff a spoon into his open mouth. if not he will bite his tongue and die bleeding."

?? huh ?? what the bloody hell?! where got such nonsense?!

and he dare say that he was trained in A&E and that any A&E NO will also tell me the same thing.

i dare say: NONSENSE.

stuffing a spoon into his mouth will only allow the spoon to block his airway. epileptic casualties do not bite their tongues.. it's a huge misconception perpetrated by TV. in fact, most medical knowledge learnt from TV CAN'T be trusted. beware.

furthermore, he simply had NO IDEA how to assess cases!! there was a headache case which he was quite concerned over and he allowed that girl to stay in first aid post for about 4 hours until she asked to be discharged 'cos she couldn't stand his attitude anymore. please. that case was a clear-cut 'geng' case. she just didn't want to join back her contingent.

then there was this other girl. migraine. pain score 5. but he insisted on discharging her. he thinks that she was just faking it.

another girl. temperature of 37.50C. he tells me to monitor for 10 minutes and send hospital if it doesn't go down. hello. she just came in from the sun!! 37.5oC is freaking ok la!!

then there was this guy who came to us for chest pain. i was away from first aid post and he didn't inform me. he just waited about 10 mins and announced that he's ready to send that guy to hospital. i rushed back when i heard that he was sending someone to hospital. so i did my history taking and assessment. turns out that this guy has had such pains before and it's very likely due to cramps more than angina. he's in band. blowing into an instrument for hours. i don't think it's a case of angina since there was no numbness or even radiating pain. but in any case, monitoring for 10 mins is simply not good enough to decide to send the guy to hospital. so i rested him a bit more and he was soon well enough to be discharged. i don't think it's anything serious but certainly not serious enough to warrant sending in hospital in an ambulance. i discharged him to his parents just to be on the safe side.

anyway, these are just among the many cases whom we saw that day. most are mild cases. just need rest and water. but once he told me his treatment for epilepsy was the stuffing spoon nonsense early that day, i've already cast serious doubts upon his ability as a first aider.

and he was just SOO concerned about leaving on time at 1900hrs!! he didn't care if there were any casualties, he couldn't care less if the 3 SAF medics could cope. he was only interested in leaving the camp by 1900hrs.

(and 1 of those 3 SAF medisc just 'tekan' me all day sia.. thanks huh.")

hello. i know that my cadets have got school the next day. i too, have school the next day. but you can't just leave like that!! we're first-aiders. you have a crowd of about 1500 people. how can you just leave?!

and the parade was only just ready to march in at 1845hrs!! they need an hour to finish the whole parade!!

what would i be teaching, as a senior and as an instructor if i just leave simply because the time is up?

what would i be teaching my cadets, and the public, if i agree with his treatment of the various cases? i may not be a qualified nurse. but i don't think i'm so bad that my treatment and assessment can be so wrong!!

darn it. hate him sia.

anyway, 1900hrs issue was resolved when i called superiors to extend by 1hr to 2000hrs and to drop the news to him from the top of the hierarchy. so we left at around 2000hrs..

sorry chester, that you were late for work. but i really can't allow us to leave at 1900hrs. it's just too wrong and so against my conscience as a first aider, as a nurse, and as a instructor.

damn. i'm so pissed.

st john

i'm really very sad now.. i've been so misunderstood and so utterly condemned by what she said.

she says:
1. my standards are unrealistically high.
2. i'm too fierce/scold too much.
3. i belong to another era and must accept that things have changed.
4. i don't respect them.
5. i make decisions without consulting her.
6. i over-rule and over-dominate the sec 3s.
7. teachers need rest too.
8. i'm not recognised/qualified.
and alot of other things which i'm really in no mood for.

he says:
1. he wants to do something for comp team but now can't due to the very tight timeline.
2. he will ferry the comp team from bishan mrt to guangyang.
3. (he gave a very lame and time-wasting "pep talk".)

to her:
well. run the corps yourself then. you're only ruining it. if you seriously think that you have good standing in the zone, then you really have got NO IDEA. the only reason why BP can still stand strong is due to Mrs Toh's standing in the zone. not you. never has been. in fact, the zone hates you.

if you think you've done alot for the corps, then just walk a week in my shoes as an instructor.

well, none of your instructors are recognised. the only one who is is currently on study break. dumb fool.

to him:
please. you're such an irresponsible and lazy bum. you'd never do anything of that sort. in fact, you always and only create unnecessary trouble.
for example, when i asked you to photocopy notes (whether during pre-NCO course or just now) so that i could get back to the cadets, you would rather waste time chatting than to help me do it. how supportive.

but what i'm most angry AND upset about is this: he says that i said that my comp teams are just going for NFAC "to fill numbers".

I WILL NEVER ON MY LIFE HAVE EVER SAID THAT. DO NOT MALIGN ME!!

may i just remind you that you were the one who said that st john comp team is not band and hence need not train so hard. you are such an utter hypocrite.

i value my comp teams WAY ABOVE THE CORPS..!! especially the AA team this year. and of course, last year's AA team. i will willingly miss classes just so that i can be there for them during their training. it broke my heart when the other TIC told me to go for PD on the NFAC day. it hurt me so much that i can't be with them. HOW DARE YOU PUT SUCH WORDS INTO MY MOUTH?!

~!@#$%^&*()_+

to steph/CK/SJ/JJ: enjoy. run the corps yourself. i need to cool off. after all, my exams are just as important as everyone elses'. it's my graduating finals for goodness sake.

yay..!!

nursing project presentation is finally over...!! whee...!!
now we just need to finish up the booklet and CD in 4 weeks.. yea..

lost my phone just now.. BUT, CHIN KEAT helped me find it back..!!
CHIN KEAT, I LOVE YOU.
JJ, I LOVE YOU TOO.
Nicholas, i found my phone..!!

haha..

it dropped into the grass patch.. then i left without realising that it wasn't with me anymore.. thank God i could find it back.. it was a harrowing 90 mins or so..

got training tomorrow.. tired... =(

NFAC

all my dears,

even though i can't be with you physically on that day, know that i will always stand alongside you. it's ok if you don't win anything. to me, coming in bottom is ok, as long as you can tell me that you've tried to the best of your ability.

i understand that you need to study and that for various reasons, members of the team can't make it for trainings. i don't blame you.

this sunday is an important day for you guys. come what may, do not panic. always keep calm and whatever you do, always always always support it with a reason.

"courage is not the absence of fear. rather, it's the knowledge that something else is more important than fear."

no matter what happens, do not cry.

love always,
audrey tsan

pics

Before

After

actually got clips.. just not very obvious...

wahaha...!!

K.I.D. outing to Sentosa

Beldon n I.. So Cute..!!

whee~~

mum back from japan already!! yea!! actually been a few days already, just that i didn't update..

finished the filming for the nursing project.. yes!! ahaha.. thanks so much you guys for putting up with me.. i was just Soo MEAN. sorry..

ZILI!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! well, you get the drift.. for coming over to help me install the software and do the editing.. and for putting up with all my "gay" requests etc..

was talking to maureen on the way back just now.. and just want to tell you guys something.
a, i really don't like it when you just cut me off 'cos there's a girl you like. come on, i'm your friend. if you can't even be frank to a (prospective) girlfriend about me, then i think we can stop being friends to begin with.
if you guys want to guys night out etc, fine by me. but don't make me feel so much like an outsider whe you talk about it. either you let me know from the outstart or you don't even let me find out at all.

男人的隐瞒是为了避免麻烦，但往往却在不想制造误会的情况下制造更大的误会。

女人重视的事，对男人都不重要。

我重视的事，你们都忘得一干二净。那天，我是真的伤透了心。

aiyah..

hmmz.. alot of things happening recently..

mum's in japan, so I have to wake up at 0500hrs to wake my sister, make breakfast, then wait until 0600hrs to wake my dad. Then crash back in bed for another 1-2hr sleep..
Mom, WHEN YOU COMING HOME?!

Nursing Project deadline is next week but nothing much is done yet..!! I'm so bloody worried.. And the videos..!! Oh God, please?

Other projects are also piling up..

On a happier note, I just signed the Provisional Employment with TTSH yeaterday and I'm really happy about it..

Even though school just started after 2 weeks holiday, it feels as it the break never took place.. I was out doing a hundred and one things everyday and St. John just took up so much time!!

Talking about St. John, it's precisely St. John which prompted this post from me..

Steph ar, I think, this time, we really went overboard already.. Oh no.. What a mess..
Tomorrow St. John day already.. And it's really not up to my expected standard.. So.. CK, my dear beloved sidekick, you must help me to whack them today when you go down hor!!

Since I will be the only one going down tomorrow, you guys better wake up your sleeping idea!! JJ, jia you worz!!

And thursday got PD, since nobody can go down, Sufyan, DON'T SCREW UP YOU HEAR ME?!

And driving lesson also very problematic.. See how it goes la.. Haizz..

SNASC Committee 06/07

Dear SNASC Committee 06/07,

Firstly, I'd just like to say that it was with peace and relief that I heard the news of me not being student advisor. I've been thoroughly sickened by the manipulation of this committee and I'm just glad that it has all finally come to an end.

Yes, I made mistakes. But until you tell them to me, I'm never going to realize what they are.

Don't kid yourselves. The committee did nothing together. There was no project that was carried out that more than 1 committee member was involved in. The thing this committee did best was talk, discuss, beat around the bush and basically do nothing much beyond. For all that has been achieved, they're just fragmented contributions of individuals. There has never been any team spirit.

And if you seriously believe that I called you friends instead of mere fellow committee members, I can safely assure you otherwise. For every single meeting that I've attended, nothing of what I've said was met with approval. At least, as much as i can recall.

What was said most to me was that I'm still young and lack the necessary experience. For every single thing that has been done, I've never been involved in the process.

Even towards the end, the post of student advisor was pinned on to me despite me stating in no uncertain words that I do not want to be student advisor. Even now, the decision to remove me has been made without my involvement.

I ask you then, where is the communication and discussion in that.

Sudirman was given a chance to explain himself after we pointed out his mistakes.
Maz was mostly absent. Shafiq even more so.
Andy contributed a lot. But Ben's biggest contribution was pointing fingers and claiming that everything is an ethical issue.There's ethics, and there's being ridiculous.

It's important to keep channels of communication open. But when you insist on e-mailing everyone, including the upcoming committee, regarding a meeting that concerned only the current committee, such is an example of rude and irrational spamming, not keeping everyone in the loop.

When I first joined the committee, I was excited to see changes made and eager to help in making things happen.

I leave this committee with utter disappointment with the attitudes of all involved. Myself included. Especially the times when I would rather engage in leisure activities than do SNASC stuff as I was absolutely revolted by what was happening. This was most apparent during the planning of the DnD when all of you were only good at criticizing what has taken place without even bothering to understand what has previously occurred to cause the happenings.

Don't package your words nicely. It only makes you seem hypocritical and horribly insincere.

Finally, I just want to say thank you. For allowing this whole fiasco to come to an end.

guys + summary of updates

guys.. i'm really very disappointed in you guys.. what're you lot taking me for?! you keep doing this kind of things to me over and over again. what's wrong with you?! you know that i'm busy.
you know that i'm stressed up. but why do you still make a fool out of me the way you doing?!

i'm terribly disappointed in the three of you and the way you handle things.

o, just some updates...

St John: manageable.
june holiday program: done.
CPR workshop: concept up.
CPR workshop instructors' training session: tomorrow
BFA: *mutters an oath*
1st aid practical workshop: *mutters another oath*
KID july parenting workshop: mostly done.
TKR ICA: presentation next week.
CA larynx ICA: presentation tomorrow.
other presentations: under control.
FYP: in a mess.
SNASC: *speechless*
ECG workshop: *uh-oh*

but on a happier note,
DRIVING PRACTICAL STARTS TOMORROW!!

haha.

DnD

haha... DnD was finally brought to a successful conclusion last night...!! but even though the event itself is over, there's still lots of post-event work to be done.. so i'll be kept busy with the DnD a while more... with the completion of DnD, i need to start work on some other projects... but i'm still not sure if i would still want to carry on the committee...

hope the aceh proposal will get approved...

anyway, senior committee meeting coming soon... we'll be discussing alot of things including if i would still be in the new committee line-up and if yes, what position..

went clinic last night after the DnD... drank and so i'm itching like a monkey now.. bleahs.. sorry guys, was just too stressed... i'm ok, really...

anyway, need go complete my e-learning day assignments...

back... but not by popular demand

hmmz... been more than 6 months since my last post... what made me come back? well probably the need for some space where i can share some of the things happening in my life...

for those of you who don't know, i've been posted to another corps... but that's not to say that i'm abandoning you. please, i've never left, and i don't intend to leave. tiring it may be, but i'll carry on. for the promise that i made.

well, been really busy recently... SNASC is taking up alot of my time... tomorrow is the DnD so i've spent the past 4 weeks doing nothing much but constant DnD stuff... alot of nitty-gritty stuff... and i've no idea where all the time went...

but don't worry, i remember that i need to contact BMNH.. i haven't forgotten.. just give me some time to finish DnD, then i'll get down to it...

just submitted the proposal for the humanitarian trip today.. been corresponding with this guy from MR for the past week and i'm just so HYPED about it!! but, pending approval...
God, please? please please please please please?

anyway, need to get down to another proposal... sian. but need to hand up on monday... along with all my e-Learning day homework.. so super Sian.