just, fucked up

chairman anco course told me last night that tw had no nominations for anco course.

finally managed to get 1 of the tics today to realise that they don't know about it!

then called a quite promising cadet from bh who decided to give up on anco course. completely disappointed in him.





just, fuck.

this past week

was really turbulent.. as usual, mood swing like mad.

sat started out great, then got completely ruined by HT. caused me so much unease, fear, and hurt that i simply sunk into a depressive-destructive state.

i called ms lee who kindly took time out from her studies to sit with me awhile at the coffee shop.

then i sat at the playground and talked to gramps awhile on the phone.. and roamed about the neighbourhood in an unsuccessful bid shake off my bad mood..

put up a facade for CM which crumbled once it was over.. worried kilogramp a bit with my abnormality during service.

BS took my mind off things for a while but things rushed back with a vengeance after that.

so i spent the entire week working off my bad mood.

today was ok.. woke up early and met up with friends for ASC. o man! the freebies and general generosity just shrunk! plus, there were fewer participating vendors and uninteresting speakers/topics.

then met up with j and jon after that for strategic planning. and don't even get me started on how much 2 of my juniors irritated me. and finally left with deep seated lack of confidence in the state of things.

joined the other 2 musketeers for dinner and gossip before we finally headed home.

tummy's acting up.. not feeling well :(





*sigh* why can't things just work out smoothly for once?

不想当熟悉的陌生人

me wants boyfriend!!

2 years on

this day 2 years ago, i fell from the sky.

this day 2 years ago, i hurt so bad that i could only run away.

this day 2 years ago, i was so convinced of my utter failure and worthlessness.





2 years on, nothing much has changed. i'm still the utter failure that i was. i still hurt so much that i try and escape at the slightest. and i'm still lying in the crater i fell into.



2 years. such a short time, yet such a long time. it took so much out of me to even try to move on from there. it takes more out of me these days to even face the possibility of meeting someone from then.



i miss the days of old so much, yet i fear them just as much.





j, thanks for being here then, and for continuing to be here now.

1 year on

1 year has passed since you left us.. how have you been? i never thought i'd miss you as much as i do.. i mean, in your later years, i wasn't all that close to you.. i visited once maybe in a couple of months, often times longer.. it wasn't until the last few months that i visited more, saw you regularly.. yet looking back, it feels like just superficial hanging around, pretending to fulfill my piety duties..

returning on impulse to spend that last night with you, yet not saying goodbye when i left for fear of disturbing you. that broke my heart. it did then, it still does now.

crazily eating all the egg ball biscuits i could find to try and capture memories of you was my way of trying to deal with it then.

when i found the exact egg ball biscuit you used to buy for me a few days ago, my heart filled with joy at the thought that i could once again feel you by my side. yet the disappointment that followed when i realized that things won't ever be the same, ever, was crushing.

these 2 years have got to be the worst in my life so far, and to deal with the loss of you just made things so much more horrible.

i was in no mood to celebrate my first birthday without you. the festivals that followed your passing feels weird.





are you safe in paradise now? have you prepared a room for me?
i miss you ah gong.

i'm tired.

of everything.

the disappointment, the stress, the loneliness, it's all weighing me down.

i feel so terrible about myself and everything else.

the fight's gone out of me, there's nothing left in me.

and i realise, despite everything that i do, i'm still forgotten by everyone in the blink of an eye.

post-meeting considerations

well, so many things..

am i good enough?

should i continue?

should i just give up?

H1N1 screening

yea, as some of you already know, i've been deployed out to do H1N1 screening..

it's been a couple of weeks already and the work is real taxing..

lots of patients, lots of work. lots of staff, but few workers.

tired.

i miss OT.

lousy me

i offended someone whom i regard as a rather good friend without knowing how or why. he's been simmering for weks now and i never bothered to find out why, assuming that he's just in 1 of his moods and that it'll just blow over.

things are piling up and i can't seem to complete anything.

getting stressed up so losing my temper more easily.

work's not exactly going fine either.

alot of things/prospects/possibilities to consider yet no idea how to make a decision.

no idea what to do.

i'm tired as usual.

my control over my finances has simply flown out the window these couple of months.

i'm such a lousy person.





no wonder no one likes me. no wonder i've got no friends.

life as a major

this year, i resolve to walk more closely with God, hence in this significant year, i chose to celebrate it by

1) starting a bible in 1 year reading plan and
2) using the book Jesus 365

on top of my normal ODJ.





Dear Lord,
this year, help me to commit everything to you. in all that i say and do, may You be glorified. may i learn to serve and seek Your Will and Word above all.

Lord,
you know all the things on my mind and in my heart that i hold dear, MBBS, st. john, work.. these are among the things which i'm perpetually wrestling with You for control over. Lord, help me to yield everything to you.

Lord,
i want to love You more each day. i want to daily walk in Your light.

Lord,
as i wear my cross upon my ankle, remind me daily to let You lead my path, let Your light guide my way, and to daily walk in You, with You, closer to You.

As these i pray in Jesus' most precious name, Amen.

:)

this year, i need no longer wonder if i'll be remembered or forgotten.

great surprise from my cell today :)

ok, the video was quite a give-away, but the rest was completely unexpected!!

love you guys lots!!





thanks for the effort.

thanks for being here.

thanks for remembering.

Swine Flu

What is swine flu?
Swine Influenza (swine flu) is a respiratory disease of pigs caused by type A influenza viruses that causes regular outbreaks in pigs. People do not normally get swine flu, but human infections can and do happen. Swine flu viruses have been reported to spread from person-to-person, but in the past, this transmission was limited and not sustained beyond three people.

Are there human infections with swine flu in the U.S.?
In late March and early April 2009, cases of human infection with swine influenza A (H1N1) viruses were first reported in Southern California and near San Antonio, Texas. Other U.S. states have reported cases of swine flu infection in humans and cases have been reported internationally as well. An updated case count of confirmed swine flu infections in the United States is kept at http://www.cdc.gov/swineflu/investigation.htm CDC and local and state health agencies are working together to investigate this situation.

Is this swine flu virus contagious?
CDC has determined that this swine influenza A (H1N1) virus is contagious and is spreading from human to human. However, at this time, it is not known how easily the virus spreads between people.

What are the signs and symptoms of swine flu in people?
The symptoms of swine flu in people are similar to the symptoms of regular human flu and include fever, cough, sore throat, body aches, headache, chills and fatigue. Some people have reported diarrhea and vomiting associated with swine flu. In the past, severe illness (pneumonia and respiratory failure) and deaths have been reported with swine flu infection in people. Like seasonal flu, swine flu may cause a worsening of underlying chronic medical conditions.

How does swine flu spread?
Spread of this swine influenza A (H1N1) virus is thought to be happening in the same way that seasonal flu spreads. Flu viruses are spread mainly from person to person through coughing or sneezing of people with influenza. Sometimes people may become infected by touching something with flu viruses on it and then touching their mouth or nose.

How can someone with the flu infect someone else?
Infected people may be able to infect others beginning 1 day before symptoms develop and up to 7 or more days after becoming sick. That means that you may be able to pass on the flu to someone else before you know you are sick, as well as while you are sick.

What should I do to keep from getting the flu?
First and most important: wash your hands. Try to stay in good general health. Get plenty of sleep, be physically active, manage your stress, drink plenty of fluids, and eat nutritious food. Try not touch surfaces that may be contaminated with the flu virus. Avoid close contact with people who are sick.

Are there medicines to treat swine flu?
Yes. CDC recommends the use of oseltamivir or zanamivir for the treatment and/or prevention of infection with these swine influenza viruses. Antiviral drugs are prescription medicines (pills, liquid or an inhaler) that fight against the flu by keeping flu viruses from reproducing in your body. If you get sick, antiviral drugs can make your illness milder and make you feel better faster. They may also prevent serious flu complications. For treatment, antiviral drugs work best if started soon after getting sick (within 2 days of symptoms).

How long can an infected person spread swine flu to others?
People with swine influenza virus infection should be considered potentially contagious as long as they are symptomatic and possible for up to 7 days following illness onset. Children, especially younger children, might potentially be contagious for longer periods.

What surfaces are most likely to be sources of contamination?
Germs can be spread when a person touches something that is contaminated with germs and then touches his or her eyes, nose, or mouth. Droplets from a cough or sneeze of an infected person move through the air. Germs can be spread when a person touches respiratory droplets from another person on a surface like a desk and then touches their own eyes, mouth or nose before washing their hands.

How long can viruses live outside the body?
We know that some viruses and bacteria can live 2 hours or longer on surfaces like cafeteria tables, doorknobs, and desks. Frequent handwashing will help you reduce the chance of getting contamination from these common surfaces.

What can I do to protect myself from getting sick?

There is no vaccine available right now to protect against swine flu. There are everyday actions that can help prevent the spread of germs that cause respiratory illnesses like influenza. Take these everyday steps to protect your health:

• Cover your nose and mouth with a tissue when you cough or sneeze. Throw the tissue in the trash after you use it.
  
• Wash your hands often with soap and water, especially after you cough or sneeze. Alcohol-based hand cleaners are also effective.
  
• Avoid touching your eyes, nose or mouth. Germs spread this way.
  
• Try to avoid close contact with sick people.
  
• If you get sick with influenza, CDC recommends that you stay home from work or school and limit contact with others to keep from infecting them.

What is the best way to keep from spreading the virus through coughing or sneezing?

If you are sick, limit your contact with other people as much as possible. Do not go to work or school if ill. Cover your mouth and nose with a tissue when coughing or sneezing. It may prevent those around you from getting sick. Put your used tissue in the waste basket. Cover your cough or sneeze if you do not have a tissue. Then, clean your hands, and do so every time you cough or sneeze.

What is the best technique for washing my hands to avoid getting the flu?

Washing your hands often will help protect you from germs. Wash with soap and water. or clean with alcohol-based hand cleaner. we recommend that when you wash your hands -- with soap and warm water -- that you wash for 15 to 20 seconds. When soap and water are not available, alcohol-based disposable hand wipes or gel sanitizers may be used. You can find them in most supermarkets and drugstores. If using gel, rub your hands until the gel is dry. The gel doesn't need water to work; the alcohol in it kills the germs on your hands.

What should I do if I get sick?

If you live in areas where swine influenza cases have been identified and become ill with influenza-like symptoms, including fever, body aches, runny nose, sore throat, nausea, or vomiting or diarrhea, you may want to contact their health care provider, particularly if you are worried about your symptoms. Your health care provider will determine whether influenza testing or treatment is needed.

If you are sick, you should stay home and avoid contact with other people as much as possible to keep from spreading your illness to others.

If you become ill and experience any of the following warning signs, seek emergency medical care.

In children emergency warning signs that need urgent medical attention include:

• Fast breathing or trouble breathing
  
• Bluish skin color
  
• Not drinking enough fluids
  
• Not waking up or not interacting
  
• Being so irritable that the child does not want to be held
  
• Flu-like symptoms improve but then return with fever and worse cough
  
• Fever with a rash
  

In adults, emergency warning signs that need urgent medical attention include:

• Difficulty breathing or shortness of breath
  
• Pain or pressure in the chest or abdomen
  
• Sudden dizziness
  
• Confusion
  
• Severe or persistent vomiting

How serious is swine flu infection?

Like seasonal flu, swine flu in humans can vary in severity from mild to severe. Between 2005 until January 2009, 12 human cases of swine flu were detected in the U.S. with no deaths occurring. However, swine flu infection can be serious. In September 1988, a previously healthy 32-year-old pregnant woman in Wisconsin was hospitalized for pneumonia after being infected with swine flu and died 8 days later. A swine flu outbreak in Fort Dix, New Jersey occurred in 1976 that caused more than 200 cases with serious illness in several people and one death.

Can I get swine influenza from eating or preparing pork?

No. Swine influenza viruses are not spread by food. You cannot get swine influenza from eating pork or pork products. Eating properly handled and cooked pork products is safe.

insecure

i hate my insecurities!!

doubts are creeping into all areas of my life. in everything that i say/not say, do/not do, i'm doubtful.

i keep questioning everyone's motives, myself mostly.

i can't trust at all!

i'm really tired.





Lord, please take away my all my insecurities and infirmities.

bad mood

don't know why, but has been really moody and irritable lately.

can't sleep well, which only aggravates the whole situation.

i may always seem to be smiling or laughing, but, i'm just really tired.

i'm stressing myself up over rather small things.

pushing myself really hard to not make mistakes.

trying so hard, yet not achieving anything.

my coffee intake has significantly increased. it's my mood stabilizer.

it seems as if nothing is going my way.





thanks jj, for listening, accompanying and helping.

but, where's all my other friends? have i been forgotten once more?

decisions, decisions..

OR

???

*after shock*

finally managed to make it down to my new corps yesterday.

suffering the after shock now.

it's very different from what i'm used to. in fact, that's a gross understatement.

it's very small, less than 30 people.

very ill-disciplined. vice-chair talked back to me in front of the whole corps.

very low standards in just about everything.

atrocious attendance.

TIC who knows nuts about running a corps and is only too happy to hand everything over to me.

current NCOs stepping down on fri, ie. tomorrow. BUT, new committee is not up yet!

i'm typing up their nominal roll with incomplete information right now, by the way.

like, HELLO!! why is a corps OIC PERSONALLY typing up her corps' nominal roll?! and an incomplete 1 at that!!

either their standards are really waaaaaay low or i've been too pampered and spoilt.





on the other hand, i really do see a few with the spark in them.

those who genuinely wants to do their best and tries very hard.

they're not good, but they put in a lot of effort.

those who have the potential to go further, do better, just waiting for someone to come along and maximise their potential.

it's just a few, maybe 20%.





but for this few, this 20%, i will give it my best, my all.

i will do everything i can.

for this 20%, i will once more give my 200%.

God

Happy moments, Praise God.

Painful moments, Seek God.

Quiet moments, Worship God.

Difficult moments, Trust God.

and

Every moment, Thank God.

There should be a cap on resources used when managing trauma

encountered this debate today, which i found wholly INADEQUATE.

proposition argued that there should be a cap since resources are limited and that there are other patients to consider.

opposition argued that we should only stop when the patient dies.

both sides are fundamentally agreeing that there should be a cap, the difference is when to stop.

BUT. who decides when to stop? how?

how far should we go before we agree that enough is enough?

how much should we do before it's deemed "tried our best"?

how do we decide when it's a waste of resources?

who should be the decision maker?

what do we base it all on?

:)

great time of fellowship with hsiao ling today..

i really miss those days where i'm being challenged to think, to explore, to search for answers..

as much as i enjoy learning as i teach, i do still need the mental stimulation..

thank you Lord, for putting all these people in my life, to guide me, to sound me out, to care about me..

darn.

i've been choosy about food.

got LOA.

and i regurgitated all of my lunch. (which was great food that i like, by the way)

if you who reads this understands what this means, well, i need you.

The Will of God

The Will of God will never take you,
where the grace of God cannot keep you,
where the arms of God cannot support you,
where the riches of God cannot supply your needs,
where the power of God cannot endow you.

The Will of God will never take you,
where the spirit of God cannot work through you,
where the wisdom of God cannot teach you,
where the army of God cannot protect you,
where the hands of God cannot mold you,

The Will of God will never take you,
where the love of God cannot enfold you,
where the mercies of God cannot sustain you,
where the peace of God cannot calm your fears,
where the authority of God cannot overrule you.

The Will of God will never take you,
where the comfort of God cannot dry your tears,
where the Word of God cannot feed you,
where the miracles of God cannot be done for you,
where the omnipresence of God cannot find you.



Author Unknown

baptism

i have been baptised as Audrey Esther Tsan today. :)

it's been a really long and windy road.. from knowing and believing, to straying and back again, it's been a looong 7 years 6 months and 4 days.

Lord, there's so much to thank You for.

i was born Audrey, but i chose to be baptised as Audrey Esther.

firstly because Audrey is such a huge part of my identity.

Esther because the name means star. i want to be a star in the dark night sky, bringing light and hope to all in the world.

Esther also because Queen Esther in the book of Esther encompasses a lot of the qualities i myself would love to have, such as wisdom, courage and compassion.

nearly 21 years ago, i was born Audrey Tsan.

today, i'm thankful for the chance to be born again as Audrey Esther Tsan.

thank you Lord, for all that you've done for me. for staying with me. for loving even me.

low self-esteem attack

i've got so many things on my hands, i've really no idea at all if i can make it.

i'm so afraid of not doing everything well or worse, screwing everything up.

i keep agreeing to do everything and i think i'm going to burn out again soon..

but, i really do enjoy what i've been tasked to do and stuff..

in a huge dilemma right now..





met up with HT just now. long meeting. more duties/responsibilities/tasks.

i really cannot justify to myself why i'm still doing all these. i can't understand why i'd let myself be sucked back into that horrible place again..

just what am i trying to prove, and who to, i cannot tell.





so many things weighing on me. and i still have to keep rested and sane enough for my job.





Lord, help me.

stressed.

even before it all started.

how am i going to make it?!

魔女回来了

:)

lots of inspiration from yesterday's bmc message.

and my new bff.

things might not be so bad after all.





but i'm still worried.

给：家杰

从哪里跌倒，就必须从哪了站起来。

这次做出这种决定，我心里何尝不畏惧，不害怕。

昔日的并肩携手与互相扶持不再，有的只剩孤军作战。

这个任务将挑战我的极限。以往的一切只能当参考，却无真正用意。

过去一年的伤痛，我想一次弥补。

就当它是我的救赎，让我重生的机会。

我不想后悔没有好好把握这次机会。

但我恐惧，我即将失去的会令我更后悔。

我害怕众人对我的目光。

我害怕自己成事不足，败事有余。

在众多焦率，恐慌和不安中，最令我畏惧的是孤独与寂寞。

曾经我与孤独为伍，把寂寞当朋友。

可是，我找到了家。跟你们在一起努力奋斗的日子最令我怀念。

因为有过并肩作战，所以往后会害怕孤独和寂寞。

既然会害怕，该怎么再次把它们当朋友，再次与它们为伍？

这一次，成败与否，都是我一个人的。而若我再次失败的话，我真的不知道我会怎样。倘若让我发现我真的是一无是处，我该怎么办？





家杰，
当我的嘴角再也扬不起笑容时，当我的眼神再充满敌意时，你还愿意当我的朋友吗？
当我的孤僻病再犯时，你还愿意守着我吗？
当我的完美主义发作时，你还愿意容忍我吗？





当我再次变成孤岛时，你会像其他人一样离开我吗？

internal battle

received a call last night which is causing me to fight a huge battle with myself now..

all the memories of old came rushing back. now, just what is it with this season and all these memories?!

but the point is, i've been asked to, and has made, a decision which i've no idea whether it's appropriate.

i feel the obligations, the responsibility. i don't want to regret not going back, yet i've come to love the smile on my face and the twinkle in my eye.

i'm going back. to where my smile will soon vanish and my eyes will no longer be friendly.

i'm going back. to where i gave my best, my all. but where hurt me most.

i'm going back. to not regret. yet live with other regrets.





i can feel my loneliness in the days to come. i can feel my isolation and helplessness. i can feel my friends leaving me once more, and being an angry little person all over again. knowing that i am indeed happier without it. but i made the decision to go back once more.

don't ask me why. i've no idea either. but i do feel obliged. and responsible.





probably, what i want more than any other thing is for a chance to redeem myself and make things right again.

perhaps, the place which taught me to pursue perfectionism is the very place to teach me not to pursue perfectionism.

possibly, the only place where i can find my lost self-esteem, self-dignity and self-confidence is the very place where i lost it all.

maybe, it's merely my foolish pride.





tell me friends, once again, that you will stand by me and support me. tell me that you will not leave me nor forsake me. tell me that when my tears start falling again, you will be there to help me dry them. tell me that i won't be alone. tell me that i'm not fighting a battle by myself.

when i've lost my smile, tell me that you're still my friend. when i've lost the twinkle in my eye, tell me that you would still hang out with me.

when i become a porcupine once more, call me and ask about me. when i'm moody, know that i'm angry at myself and not reject me. when i'm all dejected, cheer me up.





when i'm all alone, please do not leave me.

joshie

heys! :)

you're probably never going to see this but i want to say this anyway.

thanks for appearing, thanks for being such a great friend..

i've more than a few good/great friends, and i've called more than a few people bros. but you're like the older brother i never had.

we're so alike in many ways, and we have so many coincidences in our lives. it's freaky! and uncanny. and i can't understand why we've never met until now.

you're so different from all the other people i've known and are in my life. i've never known anyone whose thoughts and opinions are so in line with mine. i haven't been able to discuss things on such an intellectual level with anyone else

thank you for being the one i can open up to. thank you for allowing me to share my burdens.

thank you for allowing me to share your stories.

thank you for daring to pursue your dreams, so that me pursuing my dreams doesn't seem so unreasonable after all.

thank you for all that you've said and done.

thank you for coming into my life.

thank you for caring.





thanks for everything brother.

that scary black pit again

WARNING: EMO POST AHEAD.

2 days' rest after working 10 days. not very restful since i've been running everywhere.. had alot of fun and sharing with the bmc people. but i repeat, if i'm not volunteering, DO NOT ASK YOU IDIOT.

despite all the fun and laughter, the darkness is never far below the surface. it's waiting to catch me and devour me. i fill my hours with activities to try and escape from it's clutches. but i can sense it's presence all the time.

i feel so down and lethargic.

went to work today, completely not in the mood, acting all strange and funny.

reached home to collapse in bed.

i'm so tired.

filling my week with even more activities. knowing that it would only make me more exhausted.

when will this end?

i remember a similar time last year.

it was so scary. i was all alone, and i didn't dare tell anyone. i maintained a facade. but it was so hard. it took alot of effort for me to start putting that time behind me..

but somehow, with all the sharing going on these weeks, old wounds have been re-opened. and i realise, they've never healed in the first place. the hurt is ever strong. and it's still bleeding. i'm ready to go back into my shell, to protect myself, at the slightest hint of hurt. i no longer trust.

with all my wounds bleeding again, i'm really not in the mood to do anything.

i start missing people whom i thought i've stopped missing.

i start wanting to do things which i've stopped doing.

i miss the comradeship of old. i miss the closeness we used to share.

and i realise that what i thought i no longer cared about is still so important to me.

my thoughts, worries and insecurities keep swirling in my head. i can't concentrate on anything when concentration is what i need most.

and work hasn't been smooth, making things so much worse.





i'm falling back into that deep dark pit of despair and i've no idea how to get myself out.





i need a break. but i can't take leave.

there's things i want to do. but can't.

there's dreams i want to achieve. but it seems too far away, and unattainable.

i want to be alone. yet i'm too afraid to be alone.

i want someone to sing me to sleep again. but i fear the intimacy.

*hurt*

so, i was ranting to some people just now.

people always think that i'm fierce, or scolding someone, or am mad at someone when i'm not.. but that's another story..

so as i was saying yesterday, i've been feeling really low and stuff..

and more things happened today..

and people tell me that it's because i'm a perfectionist, that i should just let things go, that i shouldn't let what others' say get to me.

but i don't think so. i've no idea how to explain this properly. but bottom line, i'm not angry or pissed off or upset.

i'm hurt.

hurt that having known me for a while, people still don't know me. that they can still think that badly of me. that in spite of all my efforts and all, people still don't trust me.

a while back, a slightly older senior who actually isn't all that great at her work told me that she "don't trust (me)" to do the simplest things that baby staff does. that hurt - alot.

i've been so emotional lately, i don't know what's wrong with me.

i tear at the slightest thing, get pissed off at the most innocent remark/comment and get irritated/frustrated super easily.

i'm so not myself. and i don't like it.

and i really DO NOT like probing people. like hello, if i'm not volunteering anything, DON'T ASK!!

every time i open my heart, i get hurt. so badly.

i haven't been sleeping well for a couple of weeks now and it's really not helping my emotional state. i'm such a wreck these days.. i lie awake at night.physically exhausted but my mind refuses to find rest. when i do finally fall asleep, i need to get up again in 2-3 hours to start the day anew. doing long hours at ENT this week isn't helping either.

tuesday and friday renews my sense of worthlessness and uselessness. the other days fill me with apprehension and fear.

i know my stuff. yet i don't know anything at all.

to think i was once so happy to be ENT-trained.





it's just around this time last year. maybe another month or so. the hurt, the trauma, the heartache. i've no idea how i made it through the time when my world came falling down. i still feel the pain as if it was just yesterday. tears still fall when i think about it. more than indignant, angry etc, the keyword here is again, hurt.

i'm too scared to trust anymore.

i'm too wounded to open my heart anymore.





people tell me to pray. to let go. to move on and get over it.

i try. but i can't do this on my own.

yet i can't trust anyone to not break my heart again.





i want someone by my side.
yet,
i just want to be alone.

*gaah*

been feeling really low. and worthless. and unhappy.

the feeling's really pulling me down and dragging me under..

i want some peace.

i want someone to stay with me.

yet,

i want to be alone.





i want a drink. a REALLY strong one.

don't get it..

some stuff happened at work. and i really don't get the uproar. *hmfx*

on a happier note, jean and i went for a valentines' dinner date!! :)

haha.. i'm so glad to have her.. to think we used to really not like each other back in school.. but now, we're like best friends la.. haha.. His ways are indeed mysterious..

feel kind of down these days.. not quite sure why too.. haizz..

work was crappy, yes. i just completed night shift and after a week, i still can't adjust back..

and i've been running non-stop ortho since my night!! i might as well go be ortho girl already.. indeed, those ortho guys see me so much that they think i'm some new ortho recruit.. *sigh*

i'm at ENT next week.. long hours.. with mother goose. God. or people who read this, pray for me.

it'll be 10 whole days before my next off day.. 10 busy Busy BUSY days.. really tired..

but enough about work. BMC has been going GREAT!! :)

made lots of new friends.. 2 of them even live in the next block.. been having lots of fun and learning.. we're going to start our own cell! :) i love them lots :))

tired. going sleep stat.

happy new year :)

it's the new year already..

CNY day 1 is as usual, WAR! *roar*

pissed the hell outta me. *ROAR*

o well, don't want to talk about it..

this year.. i don't know.. i've got plans which i really want to achieve. so Lord, i'm praying..

baptism and membership classes has already started.. my groups' quite nice.. hope we'll eventually form our own cell..

then my plans.. or rather, my resolutions.. hmmz.

Start my part-time degree next year february.

then from now till then, work hard, save more money.

as usual, whoever knows a way to earn more money, let me know so i can complete my dreams :)

seriously thinking about investing. so gor, let me know ya?

and i really want to meet up with my friends more often! alex, my, jj, zhimin, yeowch n cher etc!! call me! i'm not that busy one can?

and as for sj.. i don't know la.. take it a step at a time.

did i mention? i've already gotten my driving license!! like, the physical photocard driving license.. :)

o ya, of utmost importance. i want get a BOYFRIEND!! like, a proper-we're-dating kinda boyfriend. not the he's-a-boy-and-we're-friends kinda boy-friend!!

happy new year everyone :)