today

as the people whom i held dear left without even a word, it only added on to my sense of isolation.

yet, isn't this what i want and need? to be alone with my thoughts, to cope with things my own way, to learn to stand up on my own two feet.

i don't know. i simply don't know anything anymore.

i'm such a failure.





[my already plummeting sense of self-worth just shot to the other side of earth.]

GET LOST AND STOP IRRITATING ME!!

I'm NOT emo-ing! I'm going through alot of stress myself. You guys aren't the only ones who're stressed etc.

My grandfather has stage 4 CA gastric with distant metastases. He's DYING. He's only got approximately 6 months or less left!

He's my only grandfather. He's the one who brought me up.I'm still trying to come to terms with his sickness and all that's happening. I'm worried, I'm upset, I'm grieving.

If my being unable to face you guys or am always moody and prone to tears when you do see me constitutes as being "hormonal', 'emo" and "mood-swing", then FINE. So be it.

My mom keeps losing her temper at me, my corps need me, my friends don't understand me. God, just take me away.

God, if you so will, may I offer myself to take the sufferings of my grandfather? May I take his pain and suffering for him? May I be the one with CA instead?





And to the one who was there seeing me keep eating ice-cream and giving you lots of probs etc, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take it out on you. Thanks so much for keeping me company those days. 'cos you're like the only one who's left beside me, your support and presence gives me the courage I need to go to the hospital to see him everytime I spend time with you. <3
I've nothing left, please don't ignore me.