PRCP

i think, i'm gonna fail.

i think, i'm not cut out to be a nurse.

i think, i should just go die.

思潮起伏

我又开始想太多了。

好久都没看电视了。。

但自上周起在孟追韩剧。。

所以，又开始质疑我对他是否只是一种习惯。习惯想着他，习惯喜欢着他。

看着他的照片，嘴角都会不自觉地微笑。想他时的样子，都像个大傻瓜。

明知怎么都不可能会有个什么，心里却一直在奢望不可能。

想念的季节步步逼近，想见他的欲望也越来越难忍。

想打电话给他，又害怕无话可说。怕他不接电话，怕他正在忙。

想传简讯，却又因为知道他从不回简讯而无动于衷。

然后又一直有一种实习会不及格的感觉。每天上班都在害怕会害死人。害怕会做错事。害怕没能应付。

这一次真的不一样了。不能再玩了。最后一次，能不能毕业就看它了。也因此倍感压力。

该怎么办呢？

想得多了，晚上都失眠。白天又一直想睡觉。

本想约朋友去玩，但想到的人一个个爽约。

现在，也大概只有这里能让我将心里话说出来了。习惯把心事隐瞒，但这次真的忍得太痛苦了。

想好好地哭一场，将内心压抑着的情绪一次过发泄出来。但怎么都流不出泪。



不说了，反正只是越说越难过。

my friends

i'm losing all my friends, one by one.

all the people whom i used to see really often and were really close to.

erene, farah, hsiao ling, lizi, cheryl, yeow chin.. even people like alex, mingyang, zili..

cos i'm perpetually more preoccupied with something else.

cos i'm always too busy.

cos i didn't put in the effort.

i don't make friends easily. close friends are rare and far between for me. yet i can't even keep the few i have.

and in the days to come, i'll only lose even more. cos of my schedule, cos of the nature of my work. cos when i'm free, i'm more interested on catching up on sleep and trying to complete my case study or what not.

but it's probably all for the best. i'm such a lousy person to be with. i'm better off alone. this self-imposed isolation is just best for everyone.

but i just want you guys to know that you have a place in my heart. and i'll always count you among my best friends.

just, don't forget that i was ever once in your life.

my Zen

i love.