announcement

i hereby announce that all my ICAs, projects and presentations are finally O-V-E-R OVER!! woohoo!! yea!!

*dance around like mad*

it's been such a long journey till today.. and the last project of my course has been handed in..

through the years, i've long lost count of the number of projects and presentations i've done..

week after week of mad rush to finish the projects and presenatations.. weeks of worry and preparation. all over now.

last lap: year 3 finals.

clear it and i'll truly step into the last stage of my nursing course: PRCP.





Lord, stay by me, for this is when I need You the most. Amen

..rumblings..

sometimes, i just find SJ so pointless..!! it's like, the corps has been going downhill for years and nothing i do seems to make even a little bit of difference!! from the glory days of old till the state it's in today, i've been through it all and i feel really disheartened by what i'm seeing..

the standard nowadays is so low that i really can't recognise the SJ i grew up in anymore..

• NCOs are ill-disciplined.
• sec 1s still can't even manage 'sedia', 'senang diri' and 'ke-kanan lurus' properly.
• sec 2s are not performing.
• cadets who choose days with SJ training to fast and then use it as an excuse to fall out.
• sec 3s who can't even march properly.
• PT lasts about 15 mins.
• sec 2s took a whooping 27.30 mins to change from full-u to PT kit.
• sec 2s who think that PT kit means wear SJ t-shirt.
• sec 3s who still fidget in parade.
• sec 1s who don't even know how to reply loudly and clearly.
• NDP contingent which don't know 'belok'.

and MANY more...

demoted a sec 2 cadet to the sec 1 squad today. didn't make me feel good and really didn't want to do it but her standard is just so atrocious that she simply needs to re-learn everything from the basics.

in fact, alot of sec 2s are really still at the sec 1 level and the sec 1s are performing like fresh recruits!

i don't know.. all that's happening is just so discouraging.. and it doesn't help things by being so time-consuming..

i can't figure out what i can/should do to make the situation improve even by a little bit.. it's worse than teaching an infant how to walk.. the corps has regressed from a toddler who is running about to an infant capable of only crawling..

is it because of me that things are the way it is? did i not do enough? are my training methods wrong?

~happy~

happy for 2 reasons..

1) met lawrence yesterday.. haven't seen him for about a year already!! missed him so much.. he's in army now and managed to catch up with him.. hees.. so happy..

2) NDP training today. there was TREMENDOUS improvement in the standard and coordination of the contingent. HAPPY!!

hahaz..

busy busy bumblebee..

haha.. yea.. been really busy recently..

got 2 ICAs this week.. 1 yesterday and 1 tomorrow..

tomorrow also got lesson with the scouts.. been dragging and postponing it for a looong time already.. so glad it's finally going to be done.

thursday got extra NDP contingent training.. my CK is going.. so i'll only go if i'm free and if LBM ends class ON TIME.

friday got training, as usual..

finished reading HPDH in about 6 hours.. not bad.. should have been studying but the lure of that book sitting in my table is just tooo great..

just passed my 2nd skill.. got ETT suctioning and J Lee.. so happy..!! i may not fail the module after all..!! wahaha..

bugged KLKX just now over random 1st aid questions.. wahaha..!! thanks ya?

got my attachment postings le.. i got 6 weeks break, followed by 17weeks of attachment. (1st week OT, 2nd week ED, 3rd-5th weeks gerontology followed by 12 weeks PRCP.) all at TTSH.. phew..!

so what am i gonna do during my 6 weeks break?

1) SLEEP!!

2) re-write the home nursing syllabus.

3) finish my driving lessons and get my license.

4) study, Study and STUDY for PRCP..

that's all i thought of at the moment.. will continue to update the list..

thinking about starting a new blog chronicling my adventures through my 17 weeks posting.. but o well.. guess that can wait.. lolz..

Sec 3s;
read the replies from you guys. i am so surprised (maybe shocked) by the results that it feels kinda surreal and.. erm.. not so true..? like it doesn't really come from the bottom of your hearts..?
anyway, i'll take what you said into consideration before making my decision. right now, just concentrate on NDP, ROD and your exams.. leave the rest to us to worry about.

back..!!

yay!! i finally got rid of that lousy old 6280 of mine and got got N73 Music Edition instead..!! yea!!







lousy old phone








brand new N73 ME



I AM SO HAPPY..!! WHEE..!! WAHAHA..!!







but i failed my 1st skill.. everybody who got airway managemnt with J Leong failed.. sobz.. and i didn't know alot of stuff in my theory paper today.. so, i guess.. i've a VERY HIGH likelihood of failing the module.. shit.


and i didn't make it for LSCN.. *really really disappointed*


can't finish all my projects.


*stressed*









[i love my nescafe]

K.I.D. parents' workshop

so we had a workshop for the kids' parents.. and we volunteers were there to take care (babysit) the kids while janice/evelyn conducted the workshop..

brought maureen along.. so glad she enjoyed herself..

rushed down for BHN exam after that and met some really cute WSS cadets..

anyway, point here is.. the PICS..!!







Settling down to colour the pictures they selected..










All the completed works.. mine is the one at the bottom-left corner..










Shawn pointing to his masterpiece (top-left corner)










Yi Wei pointing to his masterpiece (top row, 3rd from left)










Gilbert and his masterpiece (3rd column, 2nd piece)











the kids enjoyed themselves soo much..!! and i'm amazed that eveyone could settle down to colour quietly.. (they were all boys..) the kids did really well too..!!



The Winners..!!










Gilbert










Shawn











Gary












My FAVE pic!! (From left to right: Shawn, me, Gilbert, Yi Wei, Gary.)











From left to right: Shawn, Gilbert, me, Gary.

life in motion

gosh..!! it's already week 13!! T-H-I-R-T-E-E-N!! that makes my finals a month away!! and next week got BOTH practical and theory exams. i am so dead.

finally started doing clemaus' and CA breast projects.. both due week 15. then community health also haven't do yet.. *sigh*

CARMEN! CA breast: jiao gei ni le!
MAUREEN! community health: jiao gei ni le!
i will take care of clemaus.
let's work together and chiong finish our final projects..!!

seriously, been working with you guys for more than 2 years already. must really say a big THANK YOU to the 5 of you for putting up with me so much.. i get irritated very easily and like to change alot of the things which you guys have done.. i like to think that i'm all that but most of the time i just delegate you guys to do everything.. fortunately, end of day, we manage to pull through everytime.. it's the last few already.. so let's just work together these last few weeks to finish up everything yea?

ROD coming real fast.. seriously thinking about ROD-ing out with J they all.. so sec 3s, let me know if you want me to stay or go.. drop a note into my letterbox.. i'll collect them next week..

if i do ROD out, formal resignation from organization will definitely follow.. that's for sure.. but even if i don't ROD out, i'll still want to think about resigning from organization.. i'm just soo NOT recognised and appreciated that i don't know why i even bother anymore..!!

don't know.. just so sick now.. got slight fever, sore throat, headache and a super sexy voice.. sianz..

*feeling better*

went out with SK just now and watched Transformers.. wasn't such a great movie but it really helped to take my mind off things for a couple of hours.. SK, you probably didn't realise it but thanks for making me feel better after all the trauma i've been through these 2 days..

zone exco was crap as usual.. but at least we've finally gotten back all the missing BFA certs.
E, i'm just soo mad at you. i may not have done much but at least i've given of my time. yet you just overlook me in everything. ZSM. fine. crap.

i think, it's really time for me to start considering giving up on SJ totally.. despite having thought about it in the past, i've never really put it in action. as my finals draw nearer and my PRCP approaches, i guess, now is the best time to put it down and carry on with my life.

you know, Mrs T is the only person in the whole organization who cares about me and is concered about my coming exams. this organization is soo bloody big yet i can only find 1 person who even thought about it. O-N-E PERSON. God, what a laugh.

no one else gave a damn even when i told them about it specifically. only Mrs T remembered to ask about it.

God, what a damn bloody laugh.

NCC day parade

went for NCC day parade today.. got the shock of my life. by the ambulance driver.

so i met them just past 0800hrs in HQ.. then took ambulance go Amoy Quee camp.. then there was this Zone 9 adult corps guy, Chester, with us also..

reached there and started to set up.. then the ambulance driver wanted to test my knowledge.. so he asked me what would my management be for an epileptic case.. well, epilepsy.. can't do anything also what.. just clear the area, ensure safety, and turn casualty lateral so any vomitus and saliva can flow out and not choke the casualty..

guess what the ambulance driver said?

"you stupid ar? manage like that, your casualty die already!"

huh? i manage wrongly? how can it be? better go home study manual. that was what i thought. until he explained himself.

"when you got epilepsy case, squeeze his shoulders to inflict pain. when he's in pain, he will open his mouth to shout out. then stuff a spoon into his open mouth. if not he will bite his tongue and die bleeding."

?? huh ?? what the bloody hell?! where got such nonsense?!

and he dare say that he was trained in A&E and that any A&E NO will also tell me the same thing.

i dare say: NONSENSE.

stuffing a spoon into his mouth will only allow the spoon to block his airway. epileptic casualties do not bite their tongues.. it's a huge misconception perpetrated by TV. in fact, most medical knowledge learnt from TV CAN'T be trusted. beware.

furthermore, he simply had NO IDEA how to assess cases!! there was a headache case which he was quite concerned over and he allowed that girl to stay in first aid post for about 4 hours until she asked to be discharged 'cos she couldn't stand his attitude anymore. please. that case was a clear-cut 'geng' case. she just didn't want to join back her contingent.

then there was this other girl. migraine. pain score 5. but he insisted on discharging her. he thinks that she was just faking it.

another girl. temperature of 37.50C. he tells me to monitor for 10 minutes and send hospital if it doesn't go down. hello. she just came in from the sun!! 37.5oC is freaking ok la!!

then there was this guy who came to us for chest pain. i was away from first aid post and he didn't inform me. he just waited about 10 mins and announced that he's ready to send that guy to hospital. i rushed back when i heard that he was sending someone to hospital. so i did my history taking and assessment. turns out that this guy has had such pains before and it's very likely due to cramps more than angina. he's in band. blowing into an instrument for hours. i don't think it's a case of angina since there was no numbness or even radiating pain. but in any case, monitoring for 10 mins is simply not good enough to decide to send the guy to hospital. so i rested him a bit more and he was soon well enough to be discharged. i don't think it's anything serious but certainly not serious enough to warrant sending in hospital in an ambulance. i discharged him to his parents just to be on the safe side.

anyway, these are just among the many cases whom we saw that day. most are mild cases. just need rest and water. but once he told me his treatment for epilepsy was the stuffing spoon nonsense early that day, i've already cast serious doubts upon his ability as a first aider.

and he was just SOO concerned about leaving on time at 1900hrs!! he didn't care if there were any casualties, he couldn't care less if the 3 SAF medics could cope. he was only interested in leaving the camp by 1900hrs.

(and 1 of those 3 SAF medisc just 'tekan' me all day sia.. thanks huh.")

hello. i know that my cadets have got school the next day. i too, have school the next day. but you can't just leave like that!! we're first-aiders. you have a crowd of about 1500 people. how can you just leave?!

and the parade was only just ready to march in at 1845hrs!! they need an hour to finish the whole parade!!

what would i be teaching, as a senior and as an instructor if i just leave simply because the time is up?

what would i be teaching my cadets, and the public, if i agree with his treatment of the various cases? i may not be a qualified nurse. but i don't think i'm so bad that my treatment and assessment can be so wrong!!

darn it. hate him sia.

anyway, 1900hrs issue was resolved when i called superiors to extend by 1hr to 2000hrs and to drop the news to him from the top of the hierarchy. so we left at around 2000hrs..

sorry chester, that you were late for work. but i really can't allow us to leave at 1900hrs. it's just too wrong and so against my conscience as a first aider, as a nurse, and as a instructor.

damn. i'm so pissed.

st john

i'm really very sad now.. i've been so misunderstood and so utterly condemned by what she said.

she says:
1. my standards are unrealistically high.
2. i'm too fierce/scold too much.
3. i belong to another era and must accept that things have changed.
4. i don't respect them.
5. i make decisions without consulting her.
6. i over-rule and over-dominate the sec 3s.
7. teachers need rest too.
8. i'm not recognised/qualified.
and alot of other things which i'm really in no mood for.

he says:
1. he wants to do something for comp team but now can't due to the very tight timeline.
2. he will ferry the comp team from bishan mrt to guangyang.
3. (he gave a very lame and time-wasting "pep talk".)

to her:
well. run the corps yourself then. you're only ruining it. if you seriously think that you have good standing in the zone, then you really have got NO IDEA. the only reason why BP can still stand strong is due to Mrs Toh's standing in the zone. not you. never has been. in fact, the zone hates you.

if you think you've done alot for the corps, then just walk a week in my shoes as an instructor.

well, none of your instructors are recognised. the only one who is is currently on study break. dumb fool.

to him:
please. you're such an irresponsible and lazy bum. you'd never do anything of that sort. in fact, you always and only create unnecessary trouble.
for example, when i asked you to photocopy notes (whether during pre-NCO course or just now) so that i could get back to the cadets, you would rather waste time chatting than to help me do it. how supportive.

but what i'm most angry AND upset about is this: he says that i said that my comp teams are just going for NFAC "to fill numbers".

I WILL NEVER ON MY LIFE HAVE EVER SAID THAT. DO NOT MALIGN ME!!

may i just remind you that you were the one who said that st john comp team is not band and hence need not train so hard. you are such an utter hypocrite.

i value my comp teams WAY ABOVE THE CORPS..!! especially the AA team this year. and of course, last year's AA team. i will willingly miss classes just so that i can be there for them during their training. it broke my heart when the other TIC told me to go for PD on the NFAC day. it hurt me so much that i can't be with them. HOW DARE YOU PUT SUCH WORDS INTO MY MOUTH?!

~!@#$%^&*()_+

to steph/CK/SJ/JJ: enjoy. run the corps yourself. i need to cool off. after all, my exams are just as important as everyone elses'. it's my graduating finals for goodness sake.

yay..!!

nursing project presentation is finally over...!! whee...!!
now we just need to finish up the booklet and CD in 4 weeks.. yea..

lost my phone just now.. BUT, CHIN KEAT helped me find it back..!!
CHIN KEAT, I LOVE YOU.
JJ, I LOVE YOU TOO.
Nicholas, i found my phone..!!

haha..

it dropped into the grass patch.. then i left without realising that it wasn't with me anymore.. thank God i could find it back.. it was a harrowing 90 mins or so..

got training tomorrow.. tired... =(

NFAC

all my dears,

even though i can't be with you physically on that day, know that i will always stand alongside you. it's ok if you don't win anything. to me, coming in bottom is ok, as long as you can tell me that you've tried to the best of your ability.

i understand that you need to study and that for various reasons, members of the team can't make it for trainings. i don't blame you.

this sunday is an important day for you guys. come what may, do not panic. always keep calm and whatever you do, always always always support it with a reason.

"courage is not the absence of fear. rather, it's the knowledge that something else is more important than fear."

no matter what happens, do not cry.

love always,
audrey tsan

pics

Before

After

actually got clips.. just not very obvious...

wahaha...!!

K.I.D. outing to Sentosa

Beldon n I.. So Cute..!!

whee~~

mum back from japan already!! yea!! actually been a few days already, just that i didn't update..

finished the filming for the nursing project.. yes!! ahaha.. thanks so much you guys for putting up with me.. i was just Soo MEAN. sorry..

ZILI!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! well, you get the drift.. for coming over to help me install the software and do the editing.. and for putting up with all my "gay" requests etc..

was talking to maureen on the way back just now.. and just want to tell you guys something.
a, i really don't like it when you just cut me off 'cos there's a girl you like. come on, i'm your friend. if you can't even be frank to a (prospective) girlfriend about me, then i think we can stop being friends to begin with.
if you guys want to guys night out etc, fine by me. but don't make me feel so much like an outsider whe you talk about it. either you let me know from the outstart or you don't even let me find out at all.

男人的隐瞒是为了避免麻烦，但往往却在不想制造误会的情况下制造更大的误会。

女人重视的事，对男人都不重要。

我重视的事，你们都忘得一干二净。那天，我是真的伤透了心。

aiyah..

hmmz.. alot of things happening recently..

mum's in japan, so I have to wake up at 0500hrs to wake my sister, make breakfast, then wait until 0600hrs to wake my dad. Then crash back in bed for another 1-2hr sleep..
Mom, WHEN YOU COMING HOME?!

Nursing Project deadline is next week but nothing much is done yet..!! I'm so bloody worried.. And the videos..!! Oh God, please?

Other projects are also piling up..

On a happier note, I just signed the Provisional Employment with TTSH yeaterday and I'm really happy about it..

Even though school just started after 2 weeks holiday, it feels as it the break never took place.. I was out doing a hundred and one things everyday and St. John just took up so much time!!

Talking about St. John, it's precisely St. John which prompted this post from me..

Steph ar, I think, this time, we really went overboard already.. Oh no.. What a mess..
Tomorrow St. John day already.. And it's really not up to my expected standard.. So.. CK, my dear beloved sidekick, you must help me to whack them today when you go down hor!!

Since I will be the only one going down tomorrow, you guys better wake up your sleeping idea!! JJ, jia you worz!!

And thursday got PD, since nobody can go down, Sufyan, DON'T SCREW UP YOU HEAR ME?!

And driving lesson also very problematic.. See how it goes la.. Haizz..

SNASC Committee 06/07

Dear SNASC Committee 06/07,

Firstly, I'd just like to say that it was with peace and relief that I heard the news of me not being student advisor. I've been thoroughly sickened by the manipulation of this committee and I'm just glad that it has all finally come to an end.

Yes, I made mistakes. But until you tell them to me, I'm never going to realize what they are.

Don't kid yourselves. The committee did nothing together. There was no project that was carried out that more than 1 committee member was involved in. The thing this committee did best was talk, discuss, beat around the bush and basically do nothing much beyond. For all that has been achieved, they're just fragmented contributions of individuals. There has never been any team spirit.

And if you seriously believe that I called you friends instead of mere fellow committee members, I can safely assure you otherwise. For every single meeting that I've attended, nothing of what I've said was met with approval. At least, as much as i can recall.

What was said most to me was that I'm still young and lack the necessary experience. For every single thing that has been done, I've never been involved in the process.

Even towards the end, the post of student advisor was pinned on to me despite me stating in no uncertain words that I do not want to be student advisor. Even now, the decision to remove me has been made without my involvement.

I ask you then, where is the communication and discussion in that.

Sudirman was given a chance to explain himself after we pointed out his mistakes.
Maz was mostly absent. Shafiq even more so.
Andy contributed a lot. But Ben's biggest contribution was pointing fingers and claiming that everything is an ethical issue.There's ethics, and there's being ridiculous.

It's important to keep channels of communication open. But when you insist on e-mailing everyone, including the upcoming committee, regarding a meeting that concerned only the current committee, such is an example of rude and irrational spamming, not keeping everyone in the loop.

When I first joined the committee, I was excited to see changes made and eager to help in making things happen.

I leave this committee with utter disappointment with the attitudes of all involved. Myself included. Especially the times when I would rather engage in leisure activities than do SNASC stuff as I was absolutely revolted by what was happening. This was most apparent during the planning of the DnD when all of you were only good at criticizing what has taken place without even bothering to understand what has previously occurred to cause the happenings.

Don't package your words nicely. It only makes you seem hypocritical and horribly insincere.

Finally, I just want to say thank you. For allowing this whole fiasco to come to an end.

guys + summary of updates

guys.. i'm really very disappointed in you guys.. what're you lot taking me for?! you keep doing this kind of things to me over and over again. what's wrong with you?! you know that i'm busy.
you know that i'm stressed up. but why do you still make a fool out of me the way you doing?!

i'm terribly disappointed in the three of you and the way you handle things.

o, just some updates...

St John: manageable.
june holiday program: done.
CPR workshop: concept up.
CPR workshop instructors' training session: tomorrow
BFA: *mutters an oath*
1st aid practical workshop: *mutters another oath*
KID july parenting workshop: mostly done.
TKR ICA: presentation next week.
CA larynx ICA: presentation tomorrow.
other presentations: under control.
FYP: in a mess.
SNASC: *speechless*
ECG workshop: *uh-oh*

but on a happier note,
DRIVING PRACTICAL STARTS TOMORROW!!

haha.

DnD

haha... DnD was finally brought to a successful conclusion last night...!! but even though the event itself is over, there's still lots of post-event work to be done.. so i'll be kept busy with the DnD a while more... with the completion of DnD, i need to start work on some other projects... but i'm still not sure if i would still want to carry on the committee...

hope the aceh proposal will get approved...

anyway, senior committee meeting coming soon... we'll be discussing alot of things including if i would still be in the new committee line-up and if yes, what position..

went clinic last night after the DnD... drank and so i'm itching like a monkey now.. bleahs.. sorry guys, was just too stressed... i'm ok, really...

anyway, need go complete my e-learning day assignments...

back... but not by popular demand

hmmz... been more than 6 months since my last post... what made me come back? well probably the need for some space where i can share some of the things happening in my life...

for those of you who don't know, i've been posted to another corps... but that's not to say that i'm abandoning you. please, i've never left, and i don't intend to leave. tiring it may be, but i'll carry on. for the promise that i made.

well, been really busy recently... SNASC is taking up alot of my time... tomorrow is the DnD so i've spent the past 4 weeks doing nothing much but constant DnD stuff... alot of nitty-gritty stuff... and i've no idea where all the time went...

but don't worry, i remember that i need to contact BMNH.. i haven't forgotten.. just give me some time to finish DnD, then i'll get down to it...

just submitted the proposal for the humanitarian trip today.. been corresponding with this guy from MR for the past week and i'm just so HYPED about it!! but, pending approval...
God, please? please please please please please?

anyway, need to get down to another proposal... sian. but need to hand up on monday... along with all my e-Learning day homework.. so super Sian.

我痛。

我痛。我痛痛痛。
痛到死去活来。痛到不知所措。

我已经努力了。可是，一切努力，换来的只是这无比的剧痛。
我该怎么办？想找一个骗自己的借口，让这个梦在延续一点，但事实让我伤透了心，找不到任何自欺欺人的理由。
我深入谷底，却没有人会来帮我，救我。
我无助，但没人来安慰我。
我独处，像一个受了伤的野兽。只想静静地躲在黑暗的角落疗伤。
心碎了，梦没了。
眼泪不受控制的往下流。
我失败了。我彻彻底底的失败了。我一败涂地。
我好绝望。
我现在的处境，都是由许许多多的无可奈何所造成的。
我一开始，就没有选择的余地。

走到这里，我早已精疲力尽了。
我失去了世界的重心，被打得站不起来。

我痛。我痛痛痛 。我痛痛痛痛痛。





[受了伤的野兽只想静静地躲在黑暗的角落疗伤。]