i'm gonna go rob a bank.

i want money. ALOT of money.

at least SGD$500,000 to be specific.

Lord, please.

Lord, i've never wanted anything this much in my life.
Father, please grant me my wish.
Father, tell me what i must do.
Father, this is all i've ever wanted to do. and i've only just realised so.
Father, i pray for this with all of me, continually.

2 weeks on

2 weeks on and i'm really worried for my future..

i mean, not that OTS is bad or what, it's just that the skill set is just so different from all other areas! if i decide to leave OTS, i'm not sure if i'll be able to make it.. come to think of it, i don't even know if i will be able to stay on..

and we have to share lockers. the lockers are already so small but we still need to share. i don't seem to have any space to put my stuff!

was sorting instruments yesterday and i'm really afraid that i won't be able to do it. there's just too much that i don't know and have to learn. it's kinda hard to cope. i mean, in a normal ward, at least i'm already familiar with most of the basic skills and routine. there isn't so much to worry about.

but in OTS, i know nuts. not people, not work flow, not skills, not environment, not nothing!! o God. what am i gonna do?!

真是的！

问过一个自称喜欢我的人到底喜欢我哪里，他什么都不肯说。

昨天问了一个自称敬佩我，在我身上学到很多东西的人到底敬佩我哪里，学到了什么东西。这个家伙不仅什么都不说，还要我慢慢发掘？！

天啊，如果我知道的话，就不需要问了！更不会有今天的落魄。

reflections of a 2 days old RN

shh.. don't tell anyone.. but i'm an imposter! i'm actually still a student..

OMG! OMG! OMG!

i've been posted to.. OT.

o God, this is SooO unexpected.

i'm still in shock.

OMG!!

omg!

i'm starting work tomorrow.

and i'm so NOT prepared!!





i don't want to start work.
i'm not ready.
mentally and emotionally, i'm spent.
i've been dealt too heavy a blow and i haven't recovered from it.
and i can't seem to garner the energy to do anything.





and as for actually starting work..
well, i'm also not prepared on that front.
i'm very scared. and paranoid.
i'm afraid that i can't fit in.
i'm afraid that i can't cope.
i'm afraid that i'll commit some error and (in)directly cause someone to die/suffer at my hands.
i'm so afraid that i don't want to go to work tomorrow.
i'm so paranoid that i want to quit nursing now.





i don't know.
i mean, i'm such a failure. how can i be trusted with the life and well-being of others?!