went out with SK just now and watched Transformers.. wasn't such a great movie but it really helped to take my mind off things for a couple of hours.. SK, you probably didn't realise it but thanks for making me feel better after all the trauma i've been through these 2 days..
zone exco was crap as usual.. but at least we've finally gotten back all the missing BFA certs.
E, i'm just soo mad at you. i may not have done much but at least i've given of my time. yet you just overlook me in everything. ZSM. fine. crap.
i think, it's really time for me to start considering giving up on SJ totally.. despite having thought about it in the past, i've never really put it in action. as my finals draw nearer and my PRCP approaches, i guess, now is the best time to put it down and carry on with my life.
you know, Mrs T is the only person in the whole organization who cares about me and is concered about my coming exams. this organization is soo bloody big yet i can only find 1 person who even thought about it. O-N-E PERSON. God, what a laugh.
no one else gave a damn even when i told them about it specifically. only Mrs T remembered to ask about it.
God, what a damn bloody laugh.
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Saturday, July 07, 2007
NCC day parade
went for NCC day parade today.. got the shock of my life. by the ambulance driver.
so i met them just past 0800hrs in HQ.. then took ambulance go Amoy Quee camp.. then there was this Zone 9 adult corps guy, Chester, with us also..
reached there and started to set up.. then the ambulance driver wanted to test my knowledge.. so he asked me what would my management be for an epileptic case.. well, epilepsy.. can't do anything also what.. just clear the area, ensure safety, and turn casualty lateral so any vomitus and saliva can flow out and not choke the casualty..
guess what the ambulance driver said?
"you stupid ar? manage like that, your casualty die already!"
huh? i manage wrongly? how can it be? better go home study manual. that was what i thought. until he explained himself.
"when you got epilepsy case, squeeze his shoulders to inflict pain. when he's in pain, he will open his mouth to shout out. then stuff a spoon into his open mouth. if not he will bite his tongue and die bleeding."
?? huh ?? what the bloody hell?! where got such nonsense?!
and he dare say that he was trained in A&E and that any A&E NO will also tell me the same thing.
i dare say: NONSENSE.
stuffing a spoon into his mouth will only allow the spoon to block his airway. epileptic casualties do not bite their tongues.. it's a huge misconception perpetrated by TV. in fact, most medical knowledge learnt from TV CAN'T be trusted. beware.
furthermore, he simply had NO IDEA how to assess cases!! there was a headache case which he was quite concerned over and he allowed that girl to stay in first aid post for about 4 hours until she asked to be discharged 'cos she couldn't stand his attitude anymore. please. that case was a clear-cut 'geng' case. she just didn't want to join back her contingent.
then there was this other girl. migraine. pain score 5. but he insisted on discharging her. he thinks that she was just faking it.
another girl. temperature of 37.50C. he tells me to monitor for 10 minutes and send hospital if it doesn't go down. hello. she just came in from the sun!! 37.5oC is freaking ok la!!
then there was this guy who came to us for chest pain. i was away from first aid post and he didn't inform me. he just waited about 10 mins and announced that he's ready to send that guy to hospital. i rushed back when i heard that he was sending someone to hospital. so i did my history taking and assessment. turns out that this guy has had such pains before and it's very likely due to cramps more than angina. he's in band. blowing into an instrument for hours. i don't think it's a case of angina since there was no numbness or even radiating pain. but in any case, monitoring for 10 mins is simply not good enough to decide to send the guy to hospital. so i rested him a bit more and he was soon well enough to be discharged. i don't think it's anything serious but certainly not serious enough to warrant sending in hospital in an ambulance. i discharged him to his parents just to be on the safe side.
anyway, these are just among the many cases whom we saw that day. most are mild cases. just need rest and water. but once he told me his treatment for epilepsy was the stuffing spoon nonsense early that day, i've already cast serious doubts upon his ability as a first aider.
and he was just SOO concerned about leaving on time at 1900hrs!! he didn't care if there were any casualties, he couldn't care less if the 3 SAF medics could cope. he was only interested in leaving the camp by 1900hrs.
(and 1 of those 3 SAF medisc just 'tekan' me all day sia.. thanks huh.")
hello. i know that my cadets have got school the next day. i too, have school the next day. but you can't just leave like that!! we're first-aiders. you have a crowd of about 1500 people. how can you just leave?!
and the parade was only just ready to march in at 1845hrs!! they need an hour to finish the whole parade!!
what would i be teaching, as a senior and as an instructor if i just leave simply because the time is up?
what would i be teaching my cadets, and the public, if i agree with his treatment of the various cases? i may not be a qualified nurse. but i don't think i'm so bad that my treatment and assessment can be so wrong!!
darn it. hate him sia.
anyway, 1900hrs issue was resolved when i called superiors to extend by 1hr to 2000hrs and to drop the news to him from the top of the hierarchy. so we left at around 2000hrs..
sorry chester, that you were late for work. but i really can't allow us to leave at 1900hrs. it's just too wrong and so against my conscience as a first aider, as a nurse, and as a instructor.
damn. i'm so pissed.
so i met them just past 0800hrs in HQ.. then took ambulance go Amoy Quee camp.. then there was this Zone 9 adult corps guy, Chester, with us also..
reached there and started to set up.. then the ambulance driver wanted to test my knowledge.. so he asked me what would my management be for an epileptic case.. well, epilepsy.. can't do anything also what.. just clear the area, ensure safety, and turn casualty lateral so any vomitus and saliva can flow out and not choke the casualty..
guess what the ambulance driver said?
"you stupid ar? manage like that, your casualty die already!"
huh? i manage wrongly? how can it be? better go home study manual. that was what i thought. until he explained himself.
"when you got epilepsy case, squeeze his shoulders to inflict pain. when he's in pain, he will open his mouth to shout out. then stuff a spoon into his open mouth. if not he will bite his tongue and die bleeding."
?? huh ?? what the bloody hell?! where got such nonsense?!
and he dare say that he was trained in A&E and that any A&E NO will also tell me the same thing.
i dare say: NONSENSE.
stuffing a spoon into his mouth will only allow the spoon to block his airway. epileptic casualties do not bite their tongues.. it's a huge misconception perpetrated by TV. in fact, most medical knowledge learnt from TV CAN'T be trusted. beware.
furthermore, he simply had NO IDEA how to assess cases!! there was a headache case which he was quite concerned over and he allowed that girl to stay in first aid post for about 4 hours until she asked to be discharged 'cos she couldn't stand his attitude anymore. please. that case was a clear-cut 'geng' case. she just didn't want to join back her contingent.
then there was this other girl. migraine. pain score 5. but he insisted on discharging her. he thinks that she was just faking it.
another girl. temperature of 37.50C. he tells me to monitor for 10 minutes and send hospital if it doesn't go down. hello. she just came in from the sun!! 37.5oC is freaking ok la!!
then there was this guy who came to us for chest pain. i was away from first aid post and he didn't inform me. he just waited about 10 mins and announced that he's ready to send that guy to hospital. i rushed back when i heard that he was sending someone to hospital. so i did my history taking and assessment. turns out that this guy has had such pains before and it's very likely due to cramps more than angina. he's in band. blowing into an instrument for hours. i don't think it's a case of angina since there was no numbness or even radiating pain. but in any case, monitoring for 10 mins is simply not good enough to decide to send the guy to hospital. so i rested him a bit more and he was soon well enough to be discharged. i don't think it's anything serious but certainly not serious enough to warrant sending in hospital in an ambulance. i discharged him to his parents just to be on the safe side.
anyway, these are just among the many cases whom we saw that day. most are mild cases. just need rest and water. but once he told me his treatment for epilepsy was the stuffing spoon nonsense early that day, i've already cast serious doubts upon his ability as a first aider.
and he was just SOO concerned about leaving on time at 1900hrs!! he didn't care if there were any casualties, he couldn't care less if the 3 SAF medics could cope. he was only interested in leaving the camp by 1900hrs.
(and 1 of those 3 SAF medisc just 'tekan' me all day sia.. thanks huh.")
hello. i know that my cadets have got school the next day. i too, have school the next day. but you can't just leave like that!! we're first-aiders. you have a crowd of about 1500 people. how can you just leave?!
and the parade was only just ready to march in at 1845hrs!! they need an hour to finish the whole parade!!
what would i be teaching, as a senior and as an instructor if i just leave simply because the time is up?
what would i be teaching my cadets, and the public, if i agree with his treatment of the various cases? i may not be a qualified nurse. but i don't think i'm so bad that my treatment and assessment can be so wrong!!
darn it. hate him sia.
anyway, 1900hrs issue was resolved when i called superiors to extend by 1hr to 2000hrs and to drop the news to him from the top of the hierarchy. so we left at around 2000hrs..
sorry chester, that you were late for work. but i really can't allow us to leave at 1900hrs. it's just too wrong and so against my conscience as a first aider, as a nurse, and as a instructor.
damn. i'm so pissed.
st john
i'm really very sad now.. i've been so misunderstood and so utterly condemned by what she said.
she says:
1. my standards are unrealistically high.
2. i'm too fierce/scold too much.
3. i belong to another era and must accept that things have changed.
4. i don't respect them.
5. i make decisions without consulting her.
6. i over-rule and over-dominate the sec 3s.
7. teachers need rest too.
8. i'm not recognised/qualified.
and alot of other things which i'm really in no mood for.
he says:
1. he wants to do something for comp team but now can't due to the very tight timeline.
2. he will ferry the comp team from bishan mrt to guangyang.
3. (he gave a very lame and time-wasting "pep talk".)
to her:
well. run the corps yourself then. you're only ruining it. if you seriously think that you have good standing in the zone, then you really have got NO IDEA. the only reason why BP can still stand strong is due to Mrs Toh's standing in the zone. not you. never has been. in fact, the zone hates you.
if you think you've done alot for the corps, then just walk a week in my shoes as an instructor.
well, none of your instructors are recognised. the only one who is is currently on study break. dumb fool.
to him:
please. you're such an irresponsible and lazy bum. you'd never do anything of that sort. in fact, you always and only create unnecessary trouble.
for example, when i asked you to photocopy notes (whether during pre-NCO course or just now) so that i could get back to the cadets, you would rather waste time chatting than to help me do it. how supportive.
but what i'm most angry AND upset about is this: he says that i said that my comp teams are just going for NFAC "to fill numbers".
I WILL NEVER ON MY LIFE HAVE EVER SAID THAT. DO NOT MALIGN ME!!
may i just remind you that you were the one who said that st john comp team is not band and hence need not train so hard. you are such an utter hypocrite.
i value my comp teams WAY ABOVE THE CORPS..!! especially the AA team this year. and of course, last year's AA team. i will willingly miss classes just so that i can be there for them during their training. it broke my heart when the other TIC told me to go for PD on the NFAC day. it hurt me so much that i can't be with them. HOW DARE YOU PUT SUCH WORDS INTO MY MOUTH?!
~!@#$%^&*()_+
to steph/CK/SJ/JJ: enjoy. run the corps yourself. i need to cool off. after all, my exams are just as important as everyone elses'. it's my graduating finals for goodness sake.
she says:
1. my standards are unrealistically high.
2. i'm too fierce/scold too much.
3. i belong to another era and must accept that things have changed.
4. i don't respect them.
5. i make decisions without consulting her.
6. i over-rule and over-dominate the sec 3s.
7. teachers need rest too.
8. i'm not recognised/qualified.
and alot of other things which i'm really in no mood for.
he says:
1. he wants to do something for comp team but now can't due to the very tight timeline.
2. he will ferry the comp team from bishan mrt to guangyang.
3. (he gave a very lame and time-wasting "pep talk".)
to her:
well. run the corps yourself then. you're only ruining it. if you seriously think that you have good standing in the zone, then you really have got NO IDEA. the only reason why BP can still stand strong is due to Mrs Toh's standing in the zone. not you. never has been. in fact, the zone hates you.
if you think you've done alot for the corps, then just walk a week in my shoes as an instructor.
well, none of your instructors are recognised. the only one who is is currently on study break. dumb fool.
to him:
please. you're such an irresponsible and lazy bum. you'd never do anything of that sort. in fact, you always and only create unnecessary trouble.
for example, when i asked you to photocopy notes (whether during pre-NCO course or just now) so that i could get back to the cadets, you would rather waste time chatting than to help me do it. how supportive.
but what i'm most angry AND upset about is this: he says that i said that my comp teams are just going for NFAC "to fill numbers".
I WILL NEVER ON MY LIFE HAVE EVER SAID THAT. DO NOT MALIGN ME!!
may i just remind you that you were the one who said that st john comp team is not band and hence need not train so hard. you are such an utter hypocrite.
i value my comp teams WAY ABOVE THE CORPS..!! especially the AA team this year. and of course, last year's AA team. i will willingly miss classes just so that i can be there for them during their training. it broke my heart when the other TIC told me to go for PD on the NFAC day. it hurt me so much that i can't be with them. HOW DARE YOU PUT SUCH WORDS INTO MY MOUTH?!
~!@#$%^&*()_+
to steph/CK/SJ/JJ: enjoy. run the corps yourself. i need to cool off. after all, my exams are just as important as everyone elses'. it's my graduating finals for goodness sake.
Friday, July 06, 2007
yay..!!
nursing project presentation is finally over...!! whee...!!
now we just need to finish up the booklet and CD in 4 weeks.. yea..
lost my phone just now.. BUT, CHIN KEAT helped me find it back..!!
CHIN KEAT, I LOVE YOU.
JJ, I LOVE YOU TOO.
Nicholas, i found my phone..!!
haha..
it dropped into the grass patch.. then i left without realising that it wasn't with me anymore.. thank God i could find it back.. it was a harrowing 90 mins or so..
got training tomorrow.. tired... =(
now we just need to finish up the booklet and CD in 4 weeks.. yea..
lost my phone just now.. BUT, CHIN KEAT helped me find it back..!!
CHIN KEAT, I LOVE YOU.
JJ, I LOVE YOU TOO.
Nicholas, i found my phone..!!
haha..
it dropped into the grass patch.. then i left without realising that it wasn't with me anymore.. thank God i could find it back.. it was a harrowing 90 mins or so..
got training tomorrow.. tired... =(
Thursday, July 05, 2007
NFAC
all my dears,
even though i can't be with you physically on that day, know that i will always stand alongside you. it's ok if you don't win anything. to me, coming in bottom is ok, as long as you can tell me that you've tried to the best of your ability.
i understand that you need to study and that for various reasons, members of the team can't make it for trainings. i don't blame you.
this sunday is an important day for you guys. come what may, do not panic. always keep calm and whatever you do, always always always support it with a reason.
"courage is not the absence of fear. rather, it's the knowledge that something else is more important than fear."
no matter what happens, do not cry.
love always,
audrey tsan
even though i can't be with you physically on that day, know that i will always stand alongside you. it's ok if you don't win anything. to me, coming in bottom is ok, as long as you can tell me that you've tried to the best of your ability.
i understand that you need to study and that for various reasons, members of the team can't make it for trainings. i don't blame you.
this sunday is an important day for you guys. come what may, do not panic. always keep calm and whatever you do, always always always support it with a reason.
"courage is not the absence of fear. rather, it's the knowledge that something else is more important than fear."
no matter what happens, do not cry.
love always,
audrey tsan
Monday, July 02, 2007
pics
Before
After
actually got clips.. just not very obvious...
wahaha...!!
K.I.D. outing to Sentosa
Beldon n I.. So Cute..!!
whee~~
mum back from japan already!! yea!! actually been a few days already, just that i didn't update..
finished the filming for the nursing project.. yes!! ahaha.. thanks so much you guys for putting up with me.. i was just Soo MEAN. sorry..
ZILI!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! well, you get the drift.. for coming over to help me install the software and do the editing.. and for putting up with all my "gay" requests etc..
was talking to maureen on the way back just now.. and just want to tell you guys something.
a, i really don't like it when you just cut me off 'cos there's a girl you like. come on, i'm your friend. if you can't even be frank to a (prospective) girlfriend about me, then i think we can stop being friends to begin with.
if you guys want to guys night out etc, fine by me. but don't make me feel so much like an outsider whe you talk about it. either you let me know from the outstart or you don't even let me find out at all.
男人的隐瞒是为了避免麻烦，但往往却在不想制造误会的情况下制造更大的误会。
女人重视的事，对男人都不重要。
我重视的事，你们都忘得一干二净。那天，我是真的伤透了心。
finished the filming for the nursing project.. yes!! ahaha.. thanks so much you guys for putting up with me.. i was just Soo MEAN. sorry..
ZILI!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! well, you get the drift.. for coming over to help me install the software and do the editing.. and for putting up with all my "gay" requests etc..
was talking to maureen on the way back just now.. and just want to tell you guys something.
a, i really don't like it when you just cut me off 'cos there's a girl you like. come on, i'm your friend. if you can't even be frank to a (prospective) girlfriend about me, then i think we can stop being friends to begin with.
if you guys want to guys night out etc, fine by me. but don't make me feel so much like an outsider whe you talk about it. either you let me know from the outstart or you don't even let me find out at all.
男人的隐瞒是为了避免麻烦，但往往却在不想制造误会的情况下制造更大的误会。
女人重视的事，对男人都不重要。
我重视的事，你们都忘得一干二净。那天，我是真的伤透了心。
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
aiyah..
hmmz.. alot of things happening recently..
mum's in japan, so I have to wake up at 0500hrs to wake my sister, make breakfast, then wait until 0600hrs to wake my dad. Then crash back in bed for another 1-2hr sleep..
Mom, WHEN YOU COMING HOME?!
Nursing Project deadline is next week but nothing much is done yet..!! I'm so bloody worried.. And the videos..!! Oh God, please?
Other projects are also piling up..
On a happier note, I just signed the Provisional Employment with TTSH yeaterday and I'm really happy about it..
Even though school just started after 2 weeks holiday, it feels as it the break never took place.. I was out doing a hundred and one things everyday and St. John just took up so much time!!
Talking about St. John, it's precisely St. John which prompted this post from me..
Steph ar, I think, this time, we really went overboard already.. Oh no.. What a mess..
Tomorrow St. John day already.. And it's really not up to my expected standard.. So.. CK, my dear beloved sidekick, you must help me to whack them today when you go down hor!!
Since I will be the only one going down tomorrow, you guys better wake up your sleeping idea!! JJ, jia you worz!!
And thursday got PD, since nobody can go down, Sufyan, DON'T SCREW UP YOU HEAR ME?!
And driving lesson also very problematic.. See how it goes la.. Haizz..
mum's in japan, so I have to wake up at 0500hrs to wake my sister, make breakfast, then wait until 0600hrs to wake my dad. Then crash back in bed for another 1-2hr sleep..
Mom, WHEN YOU COMING HOME?!
Nursing Project deadline is next week but nothing much is done yet..!! I'm so bloody worried.. And the videos..!! Oh God, please?
Other projects are also piling up..
On a happier note, I just signed the Provisional Employment with TTSH yeaterday and I'm really happy about it..
Even though school just started after 2 weeks holiday, it feels as it the break never took place.. I was out doing a hundred and one things everyday and St. John just took up so much time!!
Talking about St. John, it's precisely St. John which prompted this post from me..
Steph ar, I think, this time, we really went overboard already.. Oh no.. What a mess..
Tomorrow St. John day already.. And it's really not up to my expected standard.. So.. CK, my dear beloved sidekick, you must help me to whack them today when you go down hor!!
Since I will be the only one going down tomorrow, you guys better wake up your sleeping idea!! JJ, jia you worz!!
And thursday got PD, since nobody can go down, Sufyan, DON'T SCREW UP YOU HEAR ME?!
And driving lesson also very problematic.. See how it goes la.. Haizz..
Friday, June 08, 2007
SNASC Committee 06/07
Dear SNASC Committee 06/07,
Firstly, I'd just like to say that it was with peace and relief that I heard the news of me not being student advisor. I've been thoroughly sickened by the manipulation of this committee and I'm just glad that it has all finally come to an end.
Yes, I made mistakes. But until you tell them to me, I'm never going to realize what they are.
Don't kid yourselves. The committee did nothing together. There was no project that was carried out that more than 1 committee member was involved in. The thing this committee did best was talk, discuss, beat around the bush and basically do nothing much beyond. For all that has been achieved, they're just fragmented contributions of individuals. There has never been any team spirit.
And if you seriously believe that I called you friends instead of mere fellow committee members, I can safely assure you otherwise. For every single meeting that I've attended, nothing of what I've said was met with approval. At least, as much as i can recall.
What was said most to me was that I'm still young and lack the necessary experience. For every single thing that has been done, I've never been involved in the process.
Even towards the end, the post of student advisor was pinned on to me despite me stating in no uncertain words that I do not want to be student advisor. Even now, the decision to remove me has been made without my involvement.
I ask you then, where is the communication and discussion in that.
Sudirman was given a chance to explain himself after we pointed out his mistakes.
Maz was mostly absent. Shafiq even more so.
Andy contributed a lot. But Ben's biggest contribution was pointing fingers and claiming that everything is an ethical issue.There's ethics, and there's being ridiculous.
It's important to keep channels of communication open. But when you insist on e-mailing everyone, including the upcoming committee, regarding a meeting that concerned only the current committee, such is an example of rude and irrational spamming, not keeping everyone in the loop.
When I first joined the committee, I was excited to see changes made and eager to help in making things happen.
I leave this committee with utter disappointment with the attitudes of all involved. Myself included. Especially the times when I would rather engage in leisure activities than do SNASC stuff as I was absolutely revolted by what was happening. This was most apparent during the planning of the DnD when all of you were only good at criticizing what has taken place without even bothering to understand what has previously occurred to cause the happenings.
Don't package your words nicely. It only makes you seem hypocritical and horribly insincere.
Finally, I just want to say thank you. For allowing this whole fiasco to come to an end.
Firstly, I'd just like to say that it was with peace and relief that I heard the news of me not being student advisor. I've been thoroughly sickened by the manipulation of this committee and I'm just glad that it has all finally come to an end.
Yes, I made mistakes. But until you tell them to me, I'm never going to realize what they are.
Don't kid yourselves. The committee did nothing together. There was no project that was carried out that more than 1 committee member was involved in. The thing this committee did best was talk, discuss, beat around the bush and basically do nothing much beyond. For all that has been achieved, they're just fragmented contributions of individuals. There has never been any team spirit.
And if you seriously believe that I called you friends instead of mere fellow committee members, I can safely assure you otherwise. For every single meeting that I've attended, nothing of what I've said was met with approval. At least, as much as i can recall.
What was said most to me was that I'm still young and lack the necessary experience. For every single thing that has been done, I've never been involved in the process.
Even towards the end, the post of student advisor was pinned on to me despite me stating in no uncertain words that I do not want to be student advisor. Even now, the decision to remove me has been made without my involvement.
I ask you then, where is the communication and discussion in that.
Sudirman was given a chance to explain himself after we pointed out his mistakes.
Maz was mostly absent. Shafiq even more so.
Andy contributed a lot. But Ben's biggest contribution was pointing fingers and claiming that everything is an ethical issue.There's ethics, and there's being ridiculous.
It's important to keep channels of communication open. But when you insist on e-mailing everyone, including the upcoming committee, regarding a meeting that concerned only the current committee, such is an example of rude and irrational spamming, not keeping everyone in the loop.
When I first joined the committee, I was excited to see changes made and eager to help in making things happen.
I leave this committee with utter disappointment with the attitudes of all involved. Myself included. Especially the times when I would rather engage in leisure activities than do SNASC stuff as I was absolutely revolted by what was happening. This was most apparent during the planning of the DnD when all of you were only good at criticizing what has taken place without even bothering to understand what has previously occurred to cause the happenings.
Don't package your words nicely. It only makes you seem hypocritical and horribly insincere.
Finally, I just want to say thank you. For allowing this whole fiasco to come to an end.
Monday, May 21, 2007
guys + summary of updates
guys.. i'm really very disappointed in you guys.. what're you lot taking me for?! you keep doing this kind of things to me over and over again. what's wrong with you?! you know that i'm busy.
you know that i'm stressed up. but why do you still make a fool out of me the way you doing?!
i'm terribly disappointed in the three of you and the way you handle things.
o, just some updates...
St John: manageable.
june holiday program: done.
CPR workshop: concept up.
CPR workshop instructors' training session: tomorrow
BFA: *mutters an oath*
1st aid practical workshop: *mutters another oath*
KID july parenting workshop: mostly done.
TKR ICA: presentation next week.
CA larynx ICA: presentation tomorrow.
other presentations: under control.
FYP: in a mess.
SNASC: *speechless*
ECG workshop: *uh-oh*
but on a happier note,
DRIVING PRACTICAL STARTS TOMORROW!!
haha.
you know that i'm stressed up. but why do you still make a fool out of me the way you doing?!
i'm terribly disappointed in the three of you and the way you handle things.
o, just some updates...
St John: manageable.
june holiday program: done.
CPR workshop: concept up.
CPR workshop instructors' training session: tomorrow
BFA: *mutters an oath*
1st aid practical workshop: *mutters another oath*
KID july parenting workshop: mostly done.
TKR ICA: presentation next week.
CA larynx ICA: presentation tomorrow.
other presentations: under control.
FYP: in a mess.
SNASC: *speechless*
ECG workshop: *uh-oh*
but on a happier note,
DRIVING PRACTICAL STARTS TOMORROW!!
haha.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
DnD
haha... DnD was finally brought to a successful conclusion last night...!! but even though the event itself is over, there's still lots of post-event work to be done.. so i'll be kept busy with the DnD a while more... with the completion of DnD, i need to start work on some other projects... but i'm still not sure if i would still want to carry on the committee...
hope the aceh proposal will get approved...
anyway, senior committee meeting coming soon... we'll be discussing alot of things including if i would still be in the new committee line-up and if yes, what position..
went clinic last night after the DnD... drank and so i'm itching like a monkey now.. bleahs.. sorry guys, was just too stressed... i'm ok, really...
anyway, need go complete my e-learning day assignments...
hope the aceh proposal will get approved...
anyway, senior committee meeting coming soon... we'll be discussing alot of things including if i would still be in the new committee line-up and if yes, what position..
went clinic last night after the DnD... drank and so i'm itching like a monkey now.. bleahs.. sorry guys, was just too stressed... i'm ok, really...
anyway, need go complete my e-learning day assignments...
Friday, May 04, 2007
back... but not by popular demand
hmmz... been more than 6 months since my last post... what made me come back? well probably the need for some space where i can share some of the things happening in my life...
for those of you who don't know, i've been posted to another corps... but that's not to say that i'm abandoning you. please, i've never left, and i don't intend to leave. tiring it may be, but i'll carry on. for the promise that i made.
well, been really busy recently... SNASC is taking up alot of my time... tomorrow is the DnD so i've spent the past 4 weeks doing nothing much but constant DnD stuff... alot of nitty-gritty stuff... and i've no idea where all the time went...
but don't worry, i remember that i need to contact BMNH.. i haven't forgotten.. just give me some time to finish DnD, then i'll get down to it...
just submitted the proposal for the humanitarian trip today.. been corresponding with this guy from MR for the past week and i'm just so HYPED about it!! but, pending approval...
God, please? please please please please please?
anyway, need to get down to another proposal... sian. but need to hand up on monday... along with all my e-Learning day homework.. so super Sian.
for those of you who don't know, i've been posted to another corps... but that's not to say that i'm abandoning you. please, i've never left, and i don't intend to leave. tiring it may be, but i'll carry on. for the promise that i made.
well, been really busy recently... SNASC is taking up alot of my time... tomorrow is the DnD so i've spent the past 4 weeks doing nothing much but constant DnD stuff... alot of nitty-gritty stuff... and i've no idea where all the time went...
but don't worry, i remember that i need to contact BMNH.. i haven't forgotten.. just give me some time to finish DnD, then i'll get down to it...
just submitted the proposal for the humanitarian trip today.. been corresponding with this guy from MR for the past week and i'm just so HYPED about it!! but, pending approval...
God, please? please please please please please?
anyway, need to get down to another proposal... sian. but need to hand up on monday... along with all my e-Learning day homework.. so super Sian.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
我痛。
我痛。我痛痛痛。
痛到死去活来。痛到不知所措。
我已经努力了。可是，一切努力，换来的只是这无比的剧痛。
我该怎么办？想找一个骗自己的借口，让这个梦在延续一点，但事实让我伤透了心，找不到任何自欺欺人的理由。
我深入谷底，却没有人会来帮我，救我。
我无助，但没人来安慰我。
我独处，像一个受了伤的野兽。只想静静地躲在黑暗的角落疗伤。
心碎了，梦没了。
眼泪不受控制的往下流。
我失败了。我彻彻底底的失败了。我一败涂地。
我好绝望。
我现在的处境，都是由许许多多的无可奈何所造成的。
我一开始，就没有选择的余地。
走到这里，我早已精疲力尽了。
我失去了世界的重心，被打得站不起来。
我痛。我痛痛痛 。我痛痛痛痛痛。
[受了伤的野兽只想静静地躲在黑暗的角落疗伤。]
痛到死去活来。痛到不知所措。
我已经努力了。可是，一切努力，换来的只是这无比的剧痛。
我该怎么办？想找一个骗自己的借口，让这个梦在延续一点，但事实让我伤透了心，找不到任何自欺欺人的理由。
我深入谷底，却没有人会来帮我，救我。
我无助，但没人来安慰我。
我独处，像一个受了伤的野兽。只想静静地躲在黑暗的角落疗伤。
心碎了，梦没了。
眼泪不受控制的往下流。
我失败了。我彻彻底底的失败了。我一败涂地。
我好绝望。
我现在的处境，都是由许许多多的无可奈何所造成的。
我一开始，就没有选择的余地。
走到这里，我早已精疲力尽了。
我失去了世界的重心，被打得站不起来。
我痛。我痛痛痛 。我痛痛痛痛痛。
[受了伤的野兽只想静静地躲在黑暗的角落疗伤。]
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
long time no see...
haven't blogged in about a month!! alot of things happened... and, well, i'm really not that happy... so what's making me so upset/pissed/frustrated these few days..? well, st john as usual... more specifically, OTC.
yea, i failed my OTC theory paper... so i'll have to return my rank so... i feel like such a failure... i've already been trying my best, yet...
i'm damn pissed.
OTC came at a time where i had project presentations, exams, attachment, ICAs. i couldn't cope. i really can't.
and what's more. they're judging my ability as an officer based on a theory paper which bears few, if any, relevance to the actual running of a corps! and based on that, they're denying me and all the efforts i've ever put in for st john!! i hate this. i hate this system. i think i hate st john.
been talking to jj about this. he says, this may be the time for me to leave st john. is it, really? i don't know... should i?
spoke to mdm yati about it today. i thought i've gotten over it. i thought i'm ok now. i thought i've accepted it. but it turns out, i haven't. i was so sad, i could feel the tears in my eyes!
gosh, my blog makes me sound like someone with hyperactive tear glands..
but like i told mdm yati, going for OTC has never been about the zone/hq. it has never been and will never be. my motivation in st john is my cadets in BP. this, i'm clear. so, i guess, since st john would still welcome me back, i would probably still hang on... at least until the next ROD...
on a happier note. i got a new hp.. yea, finally got rid of the old one... i love my new phone.. yea..
i'm meeting up with my gang on sat...1 of them can't make it, but i guess, can't be helped...
right in the middle of exams now... so yea... gotta go study!!
oh, received my new mentoring assignment. bah!
yea, i failed my OTC theory paper... so i'll have to return my rank so... i feel like such a failure... i've already been trying my best, yet...
i'm damn pissed.
OTC came at a time where i had project presentations, exams, attachment, ICAs. i couldn't cope. i really can't.
and what's more. they're judging my ability as an officer based on a theory paper which bears few, if any, relevance to the actual running of a corps! and based on that, they're denying me and all the efforts i've ever put in for st john!! i hate this. i hate this system. i think i hate st john.
been talking to jj about this. he says, this may be the time for me to leave st john. is it, really? i don't know... should i?
spoke to mdm yati about it today. i thought i've gotten over it. i thought i'm ok now. i thought i've accepted it. but it turns out, i haven't. i was so sad, i could feel the tears in my eyes!
gosh, my blog makes me sound like someone with hyperactive tear glands..
but like i told mdm yati, going for OTC has never been about the zone/hq. it has never been and will never be. my motivation in st john is my cadets in BP. this, i'm clear. so, i guess, since st john would still welcome me back, i would probably still hang on... at least until the next ROD...
on a happier note. i got a new hp.. yea, finally got rid of the old one... i love my new phone.. yea..
i'm meeting up with my gang on sat...1 of them can't make it, but i guess, can't be helped...
right in the middle of exams now... so yea... gotta go study!!
oh, received my new mentoring assignment. bah!
Sunday, July 30, 2006
st. john
As I sit crying, I wish my tears can bring away my sadness.
To the sec 4s, I just want to say, thank you.
Thank you for giving me the chance to lead you.
Thank you for giving me the chance to guide you.
Thank you for allowing me to learn with you.
Thank you for letting me grow with you.
Just, thank you.
I can’t believe that my babies are leaving me already. It seems as if it was yesterday that I starred appearing back in corps. And when I read serxing’s blog just now, I feel guilty. In her blog, she commented that I try very hard to shelter you guys and bond with you guys. But I think, I’ve failed. Terribly. I haven’t really given of my best to you, I haven’t bonded with you guys.
I still have so much more to teach you, so much more to share. Yet, you’re leaving me now. What happened to all the time? What happened? What have I done for you? Will you even remember me? I feel guilty. I feel sorry. I’m, and grieving.
I’m crying and the tears won’t stop rolling. I can’t concentrate on preparing for my OTC stuff tomorrow, yet, I don’t really care. Cos, I’m losing my babies, the apples of my eye, and I can’t stop crying.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being such a lousy instructor then, and for being an even more terrible officer now. I’m sorry I’ve not really given of my best. I’m sorry I haven’t given you better. I’m sorry I haven’t fulfilled all my promises. I’m sorry I didn’t give you more.
Vitamin C lyrics
"Vitamin C Graduation (friends Forever) lyrics"
And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone with me
We'd get so excited, and we'd get so scared
Laughing at our selves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels
[1] - As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever
So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels
[Repeat 1]
La, la, la, la:.....
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:.....
We will still be friends forever
Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?(somehow)
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
[Repeat 1 (3x)]
Dear Father,
Please bless all my babies in their future endeavors. Please take care of them and be with them. Please keep them safe from harm and evil.
Father help me. Help me be a better leader to the next batch of NCOs. Help me Father, to do what I meant to do, to show them your love, and your grace. Father, make me in your image, that I may lead righteously.
Father, please take away all these tears that won’t stop flowing, father, please make my heart whole again for it’s now broken.
Father, please be with me tonight.
All these I pray in Jesus’ most precious name, Amen.
[audrey is terribly miserable.]
To the sec 4s, I just want to say, thank you.
Thank you for giving me the chance to lead you.
Thank you for giving me the chance to guide you.
Thank you for allowing me to learn with you.
Thank you for letting me grow with you.
Just, thank you.
I can’t believe that my babies are leaving me already. It seems as if it was yesterday that I starred appearing back in corps. And when I read serxing’s blog just now, I feel guilty. In her blog, she commented that I try very hard to shelter you guys and bond with you guys. But I think, I’ve failed. Terribly. I haven’t really given of my best to you, I haven’t bonded with you guys.
I still have so much more to teach you, so much more to share. Yet, you’re leaving me now. What happened to all the time? What happened? What have I done for you? Will you even remember me? I feel guilty. I feel sorry. I’m, and grieving.
I’m crying and the tears won’t stop rolling. I can’t concentrate on preparing for my OTC stuff tomorrow, yet, I don’t really care. Cos, I’m losing my babies, the apples of my eye, and I can’t stop crying.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being such a lousy instructor then, and for being an even more terrible officer now. I’m sorry I’ve not really given of my best. I’m sorry I haven’t given you better. I’m sorry I haven’t fulfilled all my promises. I’m sorry I didn’t give you more.
Vitamin C lyrics
"Vitamin C Graduation (friends Forever) lyrics"
And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone with me
We'd get so excited, and we'd get so scared
Laughing at our selves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels
[1] - As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever
So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels
[Repeat 1]
La, la, la, la:.....
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:.....
We will still be friends forever
Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?(somehow)
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
[Repeat 1 (3x)]
Dear Father,
Please bless all my babies in their future endeavors. Please take care of them and be with them. Please keep them safe from harm and evil.
Father help me. Help me be a better leader to the next batch of NCOs. Help me Father, to do what I meant to do, to show them your love, and your grace. Father, make me in your image, that I may lead righteously.
Father, please take away all these tears that won’t stop flowing, father, please make my heart whole again for it’s now broken.
Father, please be with me tonight.
All these I pray in Jesus’ most precious name, Amen.
[audrey is terribly miserable.]
Thursday, July 13, 2006
debate
adjudicated in debate today... and i realised that, i really do love debating... i don't want to quit!!
but i seriously feel unappreciated.
and where on earth am i going to find time for st john if i don't quit debate?!
but i seriously feel unappreciated.
and where on earth am i going to find time for st john if i don't quit debate?!
Sunday, July 09, 2006
世界末日
想笑来伪装掉下的眼泪
点点头承认自己会怕黑
我只求能借一点的时间来陪
你却连同情都不给
想哭来试探自己麻痹了没
全世界好像只有我疲惫
无所谓反正难过就敷衍走一回
但愿绝望和无奈远走高飞
天灰灰会不会
让我忘了你是谁
夜越黑梦违背
难追难回味
我的世界将被摧毁
也许事与愿违
累不累睡不睡
单影无人相依偎
夜越黑梦违背
有谁肯安慰
我的世界将被摧毁
也许颓废也是另一种美
[audrey is so tired that she's dying]
i'm so tired that a little bit of me dies with everything that i do... nothing seems to go right despite all the effort that i've been putting in!! i've got no idea what to do anymorenow... i'm really behind on my schoolwork and BCLS is coming up... just what do i get out of everything that i do that makes me keep doing what i'm doing?!
i'm tired.
i need a shoulder to lie on.
i just want to go to sleep and wake up a million years later.
but this mental enhaustion isn't something that sleep can cure. sleep can but numb it while i rest physically. yet in my sleep, i get no rest from this mental torment. i find it difficult just to get to sleep with a thousand thoughts that race through my head and demands attention. nightmares haunt me when i finally drop off into a state of comatose. yes, i don't slepp, i just enter into a coma for a few hours each night.
even sitting here with my eyelids drooping shut, i know, once my head hits the pillow, thoughts will start rushing to my cognitive consciousness and a hundred little details demand immediate attention. so, i choose to engage in this mindless activity known as blogging... in the futile hope that maybe, just maybe, that putting my thoughs and feelings to words will help ease this constant mental torture everytime i try to rest...
[audrey is so tired that she's dying]
i'm tired.
i need a shoulder to lie on.
i just want to go to sleep and wake up a million years later.
but this mental enhaustion isn't something that sleep can cure. sleep can but numb it while i rest physically. yet in my sleep, i get no rest from this mental torment. i find it difficult just to get to sleep with a thousand thoughts that race through my head and demands attention. nightmares haunt me when i finally drop off into a state of comatose. yes, i don't slepp, i just enter into a coma for a few hours each night.
even sitting here with my eyelids drooping shut, i know, once my head hits the pillow, thoughts will start rushing to my cognitive consciousness and a hundred little details demand immediate attention. so, i choose to engage in this mindless activity known as blogging... in the futile hope that maybe, just maybe, that putting my thoughs and feelings to words will help ease this constant mental torture everytime i try to rest...
[audrey is so tired that she's dying]
Friday, July 07, 2006
*thinking*
i've been thinking about OOC-ing... i mean, since i'm so NOT appreciated at zone level, and there's friction with the others about planning the competition team trainings and committee meetings against my schedule, maybe, st john is really not for me after all...? and since this is so, no point wasting anymore time in OTC.. might as well just OOC and i can take the time to go church, rest, catch up on homework, meet up with friends...
guys, when you read this post, please do leave a comment and tell me if i'm good enough. tell me if i'm qualified to train you. tell me if i'm good enough to be your officer. tell me what you want from me. even if you hate me, please, just tell me. so that i can at least decide what i want to do. so that i can grief and move on from st john if necessary.
i'm only trying my best.
i've seriously NO idea what i'm doing... why am i still in st john? why do i still persist in doing this even when all my close friends advise me against doing so? is it really only love for st john and passion for the work that i do? or is it more than that? i'm so confused...
what am i going to do if i suddenly cut st john from my life?
would i feel lost?
would it be empty?
or would i find more meaning for life?
would i very much prefer my life without st john?
st john has come to become such a large part of my life over the past 5 odd years.
it has given me so much, taught me so much and affected me, just as much...
i'm just trying to give back to st john what it has given me!!
i'm just trying to pay what my seniors gave me forward to my juniors!! is that so wrong?!
God, what should i do?
[thinking. considering. wondering. contemplating. pondering. deliberating. meditating. reflecting. musing. ruminating. mulling. cogitating. analyzing. rationalizing. evaluating. questioning.]
guys, when you read this post, please do leave a comment and tell me if i'm good enough. tell me if i'm qualified to train you. tell me if i'm good enough to be your officer. tell me what you want from me. even if you hate me, please, just tell me. so that i can at least decide what i want to do. so that i can grief and move on from st john if necessary.
i'm only trying my best.
i've seriously NO idea what i'm doing... why am i still in st john? why do i still persist in doing this even when all my close friends advise me against doing so? is it really only love for st john and passion for the work that i do? or is it more than that? i'm so confused...
what am i going to do if i suddenly cut st john from my life?
would i feel lost?
would it be empty?
or would i find more meaning for life?
would i very much prefer my life without st john?
st john has come to become such a large part of my life over the past 5 odd years.
it has given me so much, taught me so much and affected me, just as much...
i'm just trying to give back to st john what it has given me!!
i'm just trying to pay what my seniors gave me forward to my juniors!! is that so wrong?!
God, what should i do?
[thinking. considering. wondering. contemplating. pondering. deliberating. meditating. reflecting. musing. ruminating. mulling. cogitating. analyzing. rationalizing. evaluating. questioning.]
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
woots
gosh!! haven't blogged in about a million years..!!
*starts swiping DUST off my blog*
lolz... alot of things happened recently...
firstly, i'm now in OTC, carrying the rank of OCT and cadets call me Mdm... wahaha... sounds so grand... been working my new committee closely regarding their ROD proposal... am extremely overjoyed to have received only positive comments from TICs and other instructors... committee, THANK ME!!
wahaha... been quite happy thus far... even though i've been sick... but life seems so fulfilling...
deabte... contemplating quitting debate now... cos i feel unappreciated and kind of useless... besides, st john is taking up far too much time for me to be able to attend debate trainings properly... so ya...
SNA... today's going to be the second time i miss SNA meetings cos of st john... better buck off before they kick me off the committee!! o well...
so many things have happened recently...
*starts swiping DUST off my blog*
lolz... alot of things happened recently...
firstly, i'm now in OTC, carrying the rank of OCT and cadets call me Mdm... wahaha... sounds so grand... been working my new committee closely regarding their ROD proposal... am extremely overjoyed to have received only positive comments from TICs and other instructors... committee, THANK ME!!
wahaha... been quite happy thus far... even though i've been sick... but life seems so fulfilling...
deabte... contemplating quitting debate now... cos i feel unappreciated and kind of useless... besides, st john is taking up far too much time for me to be able to attend debate trainings properly... so ya...
SNA... today's going to be the second time i miss SNA meetings cos of st john... better buck off before they kick me off the committee!! o well...
so many things have happened recently...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
